Mitt Romney, Retroactively Retired Bain Capital Time Lord

Seeking to explain the discrepancy between Mitt Romney having no responsibility for Bain Capital's investments in companies that specialized in outsourcing, laid off some of their workers or declared bankruptcy after 1999, while at the same time serving as the company's CEO and sole shareholder until 2002, Republican strategist Ed Gillespie admitted that Romney isn't a robot but belongs to an ancient alien race of humanoids known for their non-linear perception of time.

"There may have been a thought at the time that it could be part-time," Gillespie said, when CNN's Candy Crowley asked him about Romney's 1999-2002  leave of absence from Bain. "It was not part-time. The Olympics was in a shambles. The International Olympic Committee was going to pull the Olympics from the United States of America, which would have been a huge embarrassment.

"He took a leave of absence and in fact, ended up not going back at all and retired retroactively to February 1999 as a result."

These new-found abilities represent an opportunity for the Republican campaign. Already, many have made the claim that, retroactively, George W. Bush, not Barack Obama, was responsible for the killing of Osama bin Laden. With Mitt Romney's abilities, they can make this so. Entitlement programs can also be saved this way, as millions of Americans work to until 80, but retroactively retire at the Social Security old retirement age of 67.

In summary: Romney is retroactively not responsible for the terrible things that occurred as a result of leveraged bets by Bain Capital, which is a great and noble company that exemplifies Romney's skills as a businessman possessing the skills  necessary to restore the country's economy.

Photo by Eric Kayne/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Tags: Bain Capital, CNN, Ed Gillespie, Mitt Romney

Exclusive Extended Daily Show Interview with GOP Strategist Ed Gillespie

Ed Gillespie — former Counselor to the President during the Bush administration and current Republican political strategist — makes the Republican case against government-run health care and for ignoring anything that Donald Trump is involved with.

The interview continues after the jump.

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11/10c.

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Tags: Barack Obama, Debates, Donald Trump, Economy, Ed Gillespie, George W. Bush, Health Care, Jon Stewart, Primaries, Republicans, The Daily Show, Unemployment

Jon Stewart's Extended and Uncensored Interview with Ed Gillespie

On last night's Daily Show, Jon's guest was Ed "Too Tall" Gillespie, former NFL superstar, boxer and Geico spokesman. Oddly enough, even in this extended version of the interview, the conversation never once touches on Gillespie's 106 career sacks or football at all and mostly centers on the economy and politics. "Too Tall" is a bit of a stretch too if you ask me.

Part two is after the jump.

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11/10c.

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Tags: Economy, Ed Gillespie, Jon Stewart, Reince Priebus, Republicans, RNC, The Daily Show, Video

Stephen Colbert on Michael Steele's Empty Empire and the New Shadow RNC

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The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.

Tags: American Crossroads, Ed Gillespie, Family Research Council, Karl Rove, Michael Steele, Money, Republicans, RNC, Sex, Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report, Video