Hosni Mubarak May Be in a Coma in Germany, Also He May Be in Germany

Not sure if there reports are true or not, but if ousted Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak really has fallen into a coma, I think it might just be out of spite…

According to unconfirmed reports, including from the Egyptian daily Al-Masry Al-Youm, ousted Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak, who resigned last week after almost three weeks of violent protests in his country, is in a coma.

Other (pro-government) sources say that the 82-year-old former president is in a "severe psychological condition" but not in a coma, while yet another report places him "on death's door in a hospital in Baden, Germany."

Oh, now I get it! No wonder he was holding on to power in Egypt for so long. His body must have been subsisting completely on a steady stream of human rights violations.

Somebody kidnap and torture a teenage dissident, STAT!

(via Brooklyn Mutt)

Tags: Egypt, Germany, Health, Hosni Mubarak

Bill O'Reilly's Interview with Barack Obama, Continued (But Not Really)

More footage of Fox News' Uncle Bill interviewing the President was released over the weekend, and in this segment he's actually slightly more respectful than in the previous ones…

Also from Saturday Night Live: Hosni Mubarak Thanks America for 30 Years of Support and Money for Tear Gas

Tags: Barack Obama, Bill O'Reilly, Egypt, Fox, Hosni Mubarak, Saturday Night Live

Barack Obama Emeges as True Hero of Egypt

A lot of pundits are punditing about what led Pharaoh Mubarak to take flight from his royal pyramid and hand the reins of power over to the Egyptian military.

Well, they need pundit no longer, because Barack Obama has discovered who was really responsible for the regime change. Turns out it was Barack Obama…

Thus President Obama didn't know what Mubarak was going to say until he said it. And once the US saw that the reaction in the streets of Cairo was one of disappointment and anger, they pushed for more.

"Not to satisfy us," one official tells ABC News, "to satisfy them," the official said, pointing to mass protests in Tahrir Square.

You see? The Obama administration put pressure on Mubarak out of concern for "them," the people who were being killed in the streets with weapons bought with the billions of dollars given the U.S. gives to Egypt for its military. They're almost as magnanimous as Glenn Beck is prognostic.

Not sure I'm buying it completely. I have to believe that eventually we'll discover a much more likely explanation for Mubarak's sudden departure…

There! Obviously, this makes a lot more sense.

Tags: Barack Obama, Chris Lee, Egypt, Fox, Glenn Beck, Hosni Mubarak, House of Representatives, White House

Hosni Mubarak QUITS Not Un-Quitting Stepping Down as Egyptian President

Yesterday, Hosni Mubarak spoke to the people of Egypt and — despite widespread belief that he would be stepping down as president — announced that he was staying right where he was, promising to "shoulder [his] responsibility, protecting the constitution and safeguarding the interests of Egyptians."

Today, however, he shifted his stance oh so very slightly…

Egypt's embattled President Hosni Mubarak abruptly stepped down as president, ending his 30-year-rein, and Egyptian armed forces will take over the leadership of the country, vice president Omar Suleiman announced today…

"My fellow citizens. In this difficult time that the country is going through, the president Mohamed Hosni Mubarak has decided to relieve himself of his position as president and the Supreme military council has taken control of the state's affairs. May God protect us," Suleiman announced on national TV.

Mubarak left the presidential palace in Cairo earlier today as protesters kept the pressure on the government to force Mubarak out of office. Sources tell ABC News that the 82-year-old president has gone to an estate he owns in Sharm el-Sheikh, a resort town on the Red Sea about 250 miles from the protests in Cairo.

So, what do you think happened? Why did he change his mind? I mean, besides the thousands of angry protesters outside his palace screaming for his head.

We'll probably never find out.

Tags: Egypt, Hosni Mubarak, Protesters

Hosni Mubarak Promises to Not Un-Quit Stepping Down as Egyptian President

Well, that did not go exactly as expected, did it?

Hosni Mubarak, the Egyptian president, has refused to step down from his post, saying that he will not bow to "foreign pressure" in a televised address to the nation…

"I will remain adamant to shoulder my responsibility, protecting the constitution and safeguarding the interests of Egyptians [until the next elections]. This is the oath I have taken before God and the nation, and I will continue to keep this oath," he said.

Mubarak's comments were not well-received by hundreds of thousands gathered at Cairo's Tahrir Square, who erupted into angry chants against him.

"Not well-received." I think that's Eqyptian for "everything blowing up ape-shit all over the place."

Or something like that.

Tags: Egypt, Hosni Mubarak, Protesters