Countdown to Electiony: 2 Days

Rolling Stone magazine has featured the beatific image of Our Lord and Savior 2 times on its cover.

Once in March of 2008, alongside the not at all embarrassingly cloying title "A New Hope," and once again only four months later in July with no title or words whatsoever to compete with his lovely visage, save for the title of the magazine (which his head is mostly obscuring).

Because, really, what can you say?

Countdown to Electiony: 3 Days

Between the two of them, President George W. Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney have managed to go their lives having only been arrested for drunk driving a shockingly low 3 times!

And, to their further credit, no hookers will killed in the process.

(I know a certain Democratic Lion of the Senate who can't say as much.)

Countdown to Electiony: 4 Days

Despite his relatively youthful 67 years of age, the United States' current vice president, Dick Cheney, has suffered 4 heart attacks.

Luckily for him and the country, only the third one was fatal.

(He continues to perambulate solely by shear force of meanness.)

Countdown to Electiony: 6 Days

In a little less than a week, we'll be heading to the polls to choose which incompetent blowhards we'll be stuck with for the next 6 years.

Choose wisely.

Countdown to Electiony: 7 Days

With exactly one week left to go until Election Day, I feel the need to confess to an egregious error of mine that has been weighing heavily on my mind.

Twenty days ago, on October 8th, I stated that there are 27 Articles in the U.S. Constitution. This was an incorrect statement. In fact, there are only 7 Articles in the Constitution and 27 Amendments.

This was a most unfortunate mistake on my part. A mistake that brings me no end of psychological pain. One that I will have to live with for the rest of my days.

My one slight bit of solace comes with the fact that I have no family or friends to shame through my negligence, as they all disowned me several months ago when I carelessly transposed the "i" and "e" in Joe Lieberman's name.