Countdown to Electiony: 8 Days

Okay, so now that we're just slightly more than a week out from the election and everyone's nerves are frayed, I'd imagine people are calling "the guy" with greater and greater frequency as they burn through their 8ths a lot faster than before.

With that in mind, tonight — while you're trying to decide between Bubblegum Fiesta or Tropic Apple Dream — give a quick thought what it's going to take to get this idiotic law off the books.

And maybe consider stopping the MPP and seeing what they have to say.

Countdown to Electiony: 11 Days

Between 1860 and 1861, 11 states decided to secede from the United States and form a new nation called The Confederate States of America.

These states now make up the majority of what is referred to as "Real America."

Countdown to Electiony: 12 Days

After having already served two terms as President and taking a four-year hiatus, Teddy Roosevelt attempted to win the Republican nomination for the 1912 campaign from then-President William Howard Taft, whom he hated. Failing that, he pulled his delegates from Republican convention and formed the Bull-Moose Party, naming it after an animal that is slightly larger than Taft's fat ass.

The creation of this offshoot party caused endless infighting amongst those loyal to the Republicans and those loyal to Roosevelt, effectively splitting the vote. In the end, both parties (and the American people) lost, as Democrat Woodrow Wilson won the election.

Teddy eventually returned to the GOP, and Republicans have never fought amongst themselves again.

(Originally published as part of a series on third-party candidates. Sorry, I'm lazy and the first World Series game is starting.)

Countdown to Electiony: 18 Days

Did you know that, in addition to the four sitting presidents we lost to assassination, there have been an additional 18 attempts on presidents' lives?

This, to me, is the best argument I've heard yet for John McCain's choice of Sarah Palin as his running mate.

I mean, not only can I guarantee that there will not be a single attempt on McCain's life, but I'm betting that — in event of a McCain administration — every one of the 305,429,000 citizens of the country will do everything in his or her pwer to keep that guy healthy and capable for the next four years.

With the possible exception of Bill Kristol. Just to be on the safe side, I'd keep that guy away from the president's food.

Countdown to Electiony: 19 Days

19% approval rating.

Another record for President Bush. Is there anything this guy can't achieve?

I'm so proud of our chief diplomat.