The Most Inscrutable Tweets of Election Day 2012

Election Day is like Christmas for Twitter, if Christmas were a nightmare where an mob tried communicating by yelling directly into each other's faces.

Even in this deafening din of nonsense, some tweets stand out, not because they are particularly good, but because they are completely and utterly unreadable…

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OhioWatch 2012: BMX Racing

Van Wert, OH native and professional BMX rider Troy Merkle was profiled by the Van Wert Times Bulletin…

He has two BMX bikes that take the majority of his riding time.

"One is for street riding and trails, and one for riding on flat ground. That one doesn't get abused as much!" he laughed.

Mmmhmmm. We know what you're really saying, Troy.

Developing…

Previously
OhioWatch 2012: Space Clues
OhioWatch 2012: Here Comes the Boom!

5 Wacky Ways to Learn Who Won the Election

Most Americans will learn the identity of their next president via their television or the Internet. But what if you're not into modern communication? What if you like to learn about election results the old-fashioned way: through weird gimmicks? This Election Day, you're covered…

1. CNN will use the Empire State Building to display the presidential race's projected tally on a LED-lit screen. The Building's spire will light up red for Romney and blue for Obama — much wiser than my idea of hanging Wolf Blitzer off Empire State, King Kong-style, and demanding that he wave a red or blue flag for the appropriate victor.

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Tags: CNN, Election Day 2012, NBC

HysteriaWatch 2012: Voting Might/Will Kill You

It's not just that nice guy next door who kept to himself or everyday household products. Now voting can kill you too…

Ty Houston, 48, a home care registered nurse, was toiling on his absentee ballot Monday afternoon when things got strange at township offices on 13 Mile.

Oooooo, exciting. Like the back cover of a new Stephen King novel!

"I was filling out the form as were an elderly couple sitting at a nearby table," said Houston on Tuesday. "His wife, who was helping him fill out the ballot, asked him a couple of questions but he didn't respond. She screamed for help and I went over to see what I could do."

Now that's how you build suspense! What sort of horrors is this innocent (OR IS HE?) bystander about to witness?

Houston laid the victim on the floor and went to work.

"He was dead," Houston said. "He had no heartbeat and he wasn't breathing. I started CPR, and after a few minutes he revived and started breathing again. He knew his name and his wife's name."

Maybe he has some new special powers since he's seen THE OTHER SIDE. Can he tell us who won the election?

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On the Phone with Barack Obama and Mitt Romney

Both candidates spent some time on the phone on Election Day…

Weird. Most of Ryan's crank calls are about sit-ups.

Previously: Don't Read This Post, Obama Supporters!

Photos by Emmanuel Dunand and Jewel Samad/AFP/Getty Images