Every year, I make the same promise to myself. I promise that if the election doesn't go just as I wanted, I will drastically change my life in order to escape the terrible hellscape my beloved country will undoubtedly spiral into. "Republicans got voted in?! Now babies will carry guns and Mexicans will be used as appliances, much like dinosaurs were in the Flintstones!" "Liberals got voted in?! Now butt sex will replace the national anthem and Muslims will build mosques on my face!" There's so many things that can go wrong, but don't worry, there are plenty of places in the world less scary than the America you have awoken to this cold hard morning.
1. France, specifically the Château de Lavardin
At first glance, France seems like a horrible place to live. It has mimes and Beauty and the Beasts and black and white movies about siblings that like to do it. But then you remember, France has lots of scary castles! I love scary castles! You mean I get to be roommates with a bisexual Quasimodo that smokes unfiltered cigarettes all day? Sold! I specifically chose the Château de Lavardin because it's all fucked up, so the rent must be pretty cheap. Hey, the Château de Lavardin is kind of like your mom!
Click after the jump for the rest of the list.
Tags: Canada, Election Day, Midterm Election Countdown Fun Time!, Midterms
Well, that sure was an election night, wasn't it? There's still a lot of elections left to call, but something tells me people will still be talking about them tomorrow. And Next week. And next month. And next year. But not the year after that, because that year will be 2012 and we'll all have been killed by ancient Mayans that year. Thank God!
One thing that you can feel good about: Almost every single person elected to office this year is a human being. That's something! No ibexes or sperm whales for my legislative branch! Nossiree!
Anyway, we're going to sleep now. We suggest you do the same. Because why not? Sleep is nice. Even Republicans will agree with that. (Unless a Democrat writes it into a bill.)
Thanks for watching the election along with us. See you tomorrow.
Tags: Election Day, Liveblog
This afternoon, like so many other Americans, I left my house during the short amount of time I had allotted for lunch and, walking several blogs up Racine away from my and onto Belmont, found myself faced with an existentially difficult decision: Footlong Polish Sausage with Everything on It or Wait in Line and Vote for People Who Don't Care About Me…
In the end, I did the right thing and, for the second day in a row, ate Halloween candy for lunch.
I've heard some liberals complain about churches being used as voting places, because apparently being around all that God stuff makes people vote more conservatively. Well, my voting place wasn't a church. In fact, it was maybe the exact opposite of a church: a theater venue…
I have my suspicions about how such a place will influence voters' choices…
Tags: Amazing True Voting Stories!, Chicago, Election Day, Illinois
by Maggie Sandford
It was a lovely, crisp, Autumn, American day as I headed over to Hancock Elementary to do my civic bidness. Outside, a rainbow of children from all ethnic backgrounds played kickball in perfect harmony (including one girl with a totally rockin’ jilbab printed with blue lightning. Jea-lous). On the way in, an appropriately named candy machine caught my eye: "The Challenger." They should obviously have one next to it called "The Incumbant." Now that's educational.
As I entered the gymnasium, the shoddy athletically themed murals and vague smell of children sweat reminded me why I was there: for that sticker. There was no line, so I marched up to the election volunteer and told her so. "I'm S-A-N-D-F-O-R-D, which means I'm in the K-Z book," I said, proud that my alphabet skills were still enviably sharp. (Beat that, lightning jilbab girl.)
The volunteer looked up from her knitting, and very politely told me that "Another volunteer is outside with the K-Z book, helping a very old woman vote curbside, because she can’t make it this far. It'll be just a few minutes."
Only slightly daunted, I sat on the bleachers while a trickle of K-Z citizens formed a line behind a grey-haired woman in a fringed buckskin jacket and running shoes. I watched the volunteer explain about the special "voting pens" between bites of her salami sandwich. I watched as a middle-aged woman with dreds and a Vikings jacket slipped her completed ballot into the BallotShure 8500.
"This is beautiful," I thought, grinning earnestly at a sour, wealthy-looking woman who probably thought I was going to cancel out her votes.
I hope that very old woman at the curbside got her sticker.
Tags: Amazing True Voting Stories!, Election Day, Minneapolis-St. Paul, Minnesota
Many of our readers have written to us to complain about the way we force you to read a whole article to get a sense of what we're trying to say. Now, thanks to the hardworking imagineers at Indecision HQ, the first thing you see when you link to one of our posts is a broad, several-word-long phrase that generalizes about the content you are about to read.
See that red, bolded text up top? That's the Subjectinator 2000, hard at work bringing clarity to our blog posts. Beat that, Talking Points Memo!
More awesome technology coming your way later, so stay tuned!
Tags: Election Day, Midterms, Science & Technology