Stephen Colbert on Corporations' First Amendment Rights

It's like that old saying: I disapprove of what you sell, but I will defend to the death your right to slather it in chipotle sauce and sell it at a 300 percent mark-up.

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30/10:30c.

Tags: Bill of Rights, Constitution, Corporations, Dan Savage, EPA, Google, LGBT, Mitt Romney, Rick Santorum, Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report, Video

Don't Worry About That August Jobs Report

Yeah, yeah. Zero net non-farm jobs created last month. For those keeping score at home or in the unemployment lines, that was 17,000 new private sector jobs offset by the loss of 17,000 public sector jobs–which, if this is what they mean by 'cutting government creates private employment,' I feel the ratio could be improved–plus shorter work weeks and lower hourly wages for those who are employed, more involuntary part-time employment and a steady 9.1 percent unemployment rate.

The response has been about what you'd expect. World stock markets tanked. Republican candidates issued peevish press releases and snitty tweets. The word 'dismal' spread like internet kudzu. All of this overlooks the good news from Washington today…

President Barack Obama said he's directed the Environmental Protection Agency to withdraw proposed rules to limit ozone emissions that lead to smog, the costliest new regulation being considered by the administration. [...]

House Speaker John Boehner, an Ohio Republican, asked Obama last week to detail the estimated cost of regulations proposed by the administration. A spokesman today said the president’s action was a "good first step."

"We're glad that the White House responded to the speaker's letter and recognized the job-killing impact of this particular regulation," said Michael Steel, the spokesman for Boehner.

Phew! That should make you feel better about America's long-term economic prospects. And if it doesn't, well, just take a deep breath (while you still can) and think of all the exciting new jobs that will be created in the respiratory emergency management field.

Photo by Rolls Press/Popperfoto/Getty Images

Tags: Barack Obama, Economy, Environment, EPA, John Boehner, Republicans, Unemployment

Stephen Colbert on Rick Perry's New Treasurer/Colbert Super PAC's Old Treasurer

The Colbert Super PAC shouldn't think of it as losing a treasurer, so much as gaining the lack of a treasurer. You know, silver lining and all.

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.

Tags: Ben Bernanke, Colbert Super PAC, EPA, Federal Reserve, Primaries, Republicans, Rick Perry, South Carolina, Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report, Video

In Defense of Michele Bachmann and Her Awful Financial Ideologies

My sincerest apologies, but you're about witness something that you might very well find distasteful. I am am about to (again) come to the defense of Michele Bachmann. (I know! I know! And just a day after Jon Stewart did the same ting. It feels… dirty.)

Anyway, so, as we all know, Michele Bachmann is well known for pointing her finger and shrieking her banshee wail at President Obama's "orgy" of socialistic federal spending and issuing outraged statements about her "outrage that hardworking and responsible Americans are being shackled with the debts from bloated spending by our federal government."

So, it seems kinda bad and hypocrite-y when something like this comes out…

A Freedom of Information Act request filed by The Huffington Post with three separate federal agencies reveals that on at least 16 separate occasions, Bachmann petitioned the federal government for direct financial help or aid. A large chunk of those requests were for funds set aside through President Obama's stimulus program, which Bachmann once labeled "fantasy economics." Bachmann made two more of those requests to the Environmental Protection Agency, an institution that she has suggested she would eliminate if she were in the White House.

Taken as a whole, the letters underscore what Bachmann's critics describe as a glaring distance between her campaign oratory and her actual conduct as a lawmaker. Combined with previous revelations that Bachmann personally relied on a federally subsidized home loan while her husband's business benefited from Medicaid payments, it appears that one of the Tea Party's most cherished members has demonstrated that the government does, in fact, play a constructive role — at least in her life and district.

"It had been a longstanding tradition in Congress to be fiscally conservative in every other district other than your own," said John Feehery, president of QGA Communications and a top adviser to former Speaker of the House J. Dennis Hastert. "Bachmann apparently is being a traditionalist."

Cut and dry case of political hypocrisy at its basest, right? If Bachmann hates government money going towards the improvement of people's lives so much, shouldn't she reject the idea of requesting any of it for her own district (or family business)? Maybe… But maybe probably not, I think. And, if you care (which you probably don't), I'll explain myself.

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Tags: EPA, House of Representatives, Michele Bachmann, Money, Primaries, Republicans, Stimulus

Government Shutdown Averted, America Is Still Open for Business

Well, in case you haven't noticed, America is still here at the beginning of this new week. The lights are all on, the doors aren't locked, and we can still buy burritos. What that obviously means is that the Tea Party holiday — more commonly referred to as the government shutdown — has been averted.

Democrats agreed to tens of billions of a dollars in spending cuts, and the Republicans agreed to not defund Planned Parenthood, repeal Health Care Reform or outlaw the EPA. So, hey, everybody loses. Which happens to be a sentiment that the President summed up nicely when he addressed the nation on Saturday Night Live for some reason…

Tags: Barack Obama, Democrats, EPA, Health Care, John Boehner, Money, Planned Parenthood, Republicans, Saturday Night Live, Tea Party