From the Pork Barrel: Boys Will Be Boys

* Conservatives accuse Barack Obama of going to college, wearing a hat.

* I'd be tempted to suggest that Mitt Romney's poll numbers and belief in science might be directly correlated, but that sounds waaaaaay too sciencey.

* Oh! It turns out Indiana State Rep. Phillip Hinkle just hired that male prostitute to, you know, talk about "baseball and the view." You know, like regular straight men.

* Eric Cantor: Earthquake damage? That's a spending cut. Hurricane damage? That's a spending cut. Cutting spending? Ooh, you better believe that's a spending cut.

Tags: Barack Obama, Climate Change, Eric Cantor, Indiana, Mitt Romney, Natural Disasters, Phillip Hinkle, Polls, Pork Barrel, Primaries, Republicans, Science & Technology, State Legislature

From the Pork Barrel: John Kerry Knows a Thing or Two About the Media Ignoring People

* John Kerry urges media to stop paying attention to somebody or other. (Jugglers, maybe? I don't know. I started zoning out about a third-way through his statement.)

* Mitt Romney, Michele Bachmann and Rick Santorum sign contract to continue hating gay people through 2012.

* Following Tuesday's recall elections, Gov. Scott Walker promises to respect the decisions made by Koch Brother shadow organizations on behalf of the voters of Wisconsin.

* Eric Cantor promises something even better than extended benefits for jobless Americans. No extended benefits.

* "My rent is too damn low." – Rent Is Too Damn High Guy _{(Directed by M. Night Shyamalan)}

Saul Loeb/AFP/Getty Images

Tags: Charles Koch, David Koch, Eric Cantor, House of Representatives, Jimmy McMillan, John Kerry, LGBT, Marriage Equality, Michele Bachmann, Mitt Romney, National Organization for Marriage, New York City, Pork Barrel, Rick Santorum, Scott Walker, Senate, State Legislature, Tea Party, Unemployment, Wisconsin

Huge Majority of Americans Unhappy with Congress for Some Obscure Reason

So, this debt ceiling deal that President Obama and congressional Republicans concocted to get America on the path to recovery. I mean, I know it's a little early to tell for sure, but how's that working out so far?

The Dow tumbled 512 points on Thursday, its biggest point drop since Dec. 1, 2008. It's in the red for the year and has fallen more than 10% below the 2011 closing high in April, putting the measure squarely in correction territory.

Oh, but that doesn't mean… Does it?

It has been three decades since the United States suffered a recession that followed on the heels of the previous one. But it could be happening again.

Hmmmmm… I see.

But people have to know that the the President and Congress — in taking us to the brink of financial ruin before deciding to cut trillions of dollars of spending, without bringing in any additional revenue,  in a time of extreme economic hardship — were acting in what they believed was the best interest of the nation, right? I mean, people have to know that!

A record 82 percent of Americans now disapprove of the way Congress is handling its job — the most since The Times first began asking the question in 1977, and even more than after another political stalemate led to a shutdown of the federal government in 1995.

More than four out of five people surveyed said that the recent debt-ceiling debate was more about gaining political advantage than about doing what is best for the country. Nearly three-quarters said that the debate had harmed the image of the United States in the world.

Republicans in Congress shoulder more of the blame for the difficulties in reaching a debt-ceiling agreement than President Obama and the Democrats, the poll found.

Okay, but people still think that John Boehner's tan looks totally boss! Right? Right?

Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Tags: Barack Obama, Debt, Democrats, Dow Jones, Economy, Eric Cantor, Harry Reid, House of Representatives, John Boehner, Mitch McConnell, Nancy Pelosi, Polls, Republicans, Senate, Wall Street

Eric Cantor Protecting His Wealthy Donors from His Wealthy Donors Who Want His Wealthy Donors' Taxes Raised

Sure must be a lonely lonely time for our nation's millionaires and billionaires. Seems like everybody is trying to persecute and terrorize them with modest tax increases. (One day when Hollywood makes a movie about their plight, I think they should cast Jim Caviezel as the Bush Tax Cuts.)

Now even millionaires and billionaires are joining in the gang-up on themselves. Luckily, they have guys like Eric Cantor in their corner working for/against their best interests…

Adding an unusual twist to the political maneuvering, GOP aides say that wealthy donors have approached Cantor to push tax increases…

A few wealthy donors have called Cantor to tell him they wouldn't mind if their taxes are raised. During two closed meetings this week — one with vote-counting lawmakers, and another with the entire conference — Cantor told colleagues that some well-heeled givers have told them they’re willing to pay more taxes. Cantor, according to an aide, has responded that House Republicans aren't standing up for the wealthy, but rather for the middle class, who want to see their taxes stay low.

Oh, well, fantastic news for Cantor and House Republicans then, because the only people advocating raising taxes on the middle class are House Republicans. So, it should be really easy for them to stand up for them. In fact, they can just stand. Or sit. Or lie down and don't do anything.

That'd probably be super effective.

(via Political Animal)

Photo by Scott J. Ferrell/CQ-Roll Call Group/Getty Images

Tags: Debt, Economy, Eric Cantor, House of Representatives, Taxes

Tworld News: Week of July 15, 2011

News and comedy, comedy and news: we're keeping you on the edge of your tweet all week long.

Confused about the debt ceiling? Don't be! Picture the American economy as a house. The debt ceiling is the creepy guy hiding in the shrubbery with a gallon of gasoline and a book of matches.

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Tags: Afghanistan, Barack Obama, Debt, Eric Cantor, Google, Hamid Karzai, Marcus Bachmann, Michele Bachmann, Roger Clemens, Rupert Murdoch, Twitter, Tworld News