US Attorney General Eric Holder is putting the kibosh on Federal prosecutions of legal, state-sanctioned medicinal marijuana clinics, effectively shutting down the DEA’s Special Skeletal Chemo Stoner Unit.
From the Obama Administration's new Judge Dredd…
"The policy is to go after those people who violate both federal and state law, to the extent that people do that and try to use medical marijuana laws as a shield for activity that is not designed to comport with what the intention was of the state law. But if you are operating within the law, we are not going to prioritize our resources to go after them."
This is de-facto legalization of marijuana. It is certainly great news to pampered college students, aging hippies and libertarians, who are just Republicans who lo-o-ove to party (wink.) But with the highest unemployment rate in the country, tent cities full of hobos and a borderline bankrupt state government, does California really need the distraction? The swarms of maniac hobos hopped up on devil weed? Move out of your mom's basement, California, and get it together. Also: ditch the futon and buy a bed, a real bed.
For every person who would legitimately benefit from the unique pain relief marijuana can provide, there are like, five people who hit up total fronts like Uncle Chubbs Merry Prankster Pharmacy and Organic Brownie Hut. And according to Holder, those guys are going down. Ri-i-ight. Pretty much you can score a marijuana prescription from any ol' Dr. Feelgood for any of the following maladies…
* Watching television
* Listening to Radiohead
* Surfing internet porn
* Emotionally stunted, don't wanna grow up!
Legalizing pot is a great idea, until there's a run on the super market for cheese doodles, and society totally breaks down amidst a fog of stanky danky. Good luck, bros!
Tags: California, Eric Holder, Marijuana
True to his word, President Barack Obama will now be coming to pry the guns from your cold dead hands.
Well, the assault weapons at least…
"As President Obama indicated during the campaign, there are just a few gun-related changes that we would like to make, and among them would be to reinstitute the ban on the sale of assault weapons," [Eric] Holder told reporters.
The Assault Weapons Ban signed into law by President Clinton in 1994 banned 19 types of semi-automatic military-style guns and ammunition clips with more than 10 rounds.
"A semi-automatic is a quintessential self-defense firearm owned by American citizens in this country," [NRA president Wayne LaPierre] said. "I think it is clearly covered under [District of Columbia v. Heller] and it's clearly, I think, protected by the Constitution."
Man, it's gonna be tough walking around without my AK-47. And you know how it is. Every time you accidentally leave the house without it, you always run into somebody who needs shooting. It never fails.
Tags: Barack Obama, Constitution, Eric Holder, Guns, NRA, Second Amendment
Ever since Michelle Obama had the Malia and Sasha dolls pulled, the Ty Corporation is scrapping plans for future lines of Obama Administration Beanie Babies. Among the saddest we will be to see go:
Robert Gibbs Overweight Seahorse
Ambiguously Still Bitter About Not Being President Hillary Clinton Red-Nosed Thing
Second Tier Republican Cabinet Secretaries
Eric Holder and Stephen Chu Gay Bears
Huge Monkey Asshole Larry Summers
Tags: Barack Obama, Eric Holder, Hillary Clinton, Malia Obama, Michelle Obama, Robert Gibbs, Sasha Obama, Steven Chu