From the Pork Barrel: Zombie Armageddon

* Keith Olbermann predicts zombies in America's future.

* An open letter to Old People from Young People: "We don't want to kill you."

* Jesus fired from Kentucky Office of Homeland Security.

* What is best in life? To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to keep your Conan the Barbarian sword in the governor's office.

* Ugh! I don't wanna read The Death Book. Can't I just wait for The Death Movie to come out?

Tags: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bill of Rights, Books, California, Christianity, Euthanasia, Fox, Health Care, Homeland Security, Keith Olbermann, Kentucky, Movies, MSNBC, Pork Barrel, Religion, Veterans

From the Pork Barrel: Someone Should Check Bob Loblaw's Law Blog to See If That's Libel

* Oh, like the president in the $3,000 suit is gonna listen to this guy? Come on!

* I've got an idea! Let's dig up Ronald Reagan's putrefied corpse again and ask him what he thinks about socialized medicine! (Spolier alert: He doesn't like it.)

* And, while we're at it, let's drag the ghost of Terri Schiavo into this. (Spolier alert: Barack Obama wants to kill her grandmother.)

* And, finally, this article from Esquire is the next worst thing to actually hanging out with Orly Taitz for the day.

Tags: Barack Obama, Birthers, Euthanasia, Health Care, Orly Taitz, Pork Barrel, Protesters, Ronald Reagan, Socialism, Terri Schiavo

Stephen Hawking's Computer Responds to Claims That He Is Dead

If Stephen Hawking is such a brilliant genius, then how come he doesn't realize that he was murdered by the British government years ago, huh?*

Look! Here he is stubbornly pretending to be alive while disputing Investor's Business Daily's indisputable argument that if he were British — which he is — he'd have been allowed to die under the pitiless socialized medicine regime…

"I wouldn't be here today if it were not for the [National Health Service]," he told us. "I have received a large amount of high-quality treatment without which I would not have survived."

Except, when he said it, it sounded more terrifying and existentially unsettling than is immediately apparent by just reading it.

And, now that I think about it, Stephen Hawking kind of proves IBD's point. Under ObamaCare, we'll all be rolling around in wheel chairs and talking like Isaac Asimov characters.

Is that what you want?

.

^{* Also, how come he's not smart enough to build himself a full robot body to go with his robot voice? Sounds kind of dumb to me.}

Tags: Euthanasia, Health Care, Science & Technology, Stephen Hawking, United Kingdom

The Queen of England Wants to Assassinate Stephen Hawking

Oh, the evils of socialized medicine! They should just call it "government-mandated murder," because that's clearly what it is.

Like, did you know that if British citizen Stephen Hawking were a British citizen — which he is — he'd have been euthanized by the government of Britain where he lives?!

It's totally, totally true! Look, it's written down with words…

People such as scientist Stephen Hawking wouldn't have a chance in the U.K., where the National Health Service would say the life of this brilliant man, because of his physical handicaps, is essentially worthless.

Disgusting! And you know it's gotta be absolutely true, because Investor's Business Daily took the time to hastily punch it out on their keyboards and jam it up on the web. So, it's gotta be a superfact!

For example, I just wrote this word: "2sqhmyztpa."

A truer word has never been written.

Tags: Euthanasia, Health Care, Science & Technology, Stephen Hawking, United Kingdom

The Horrors of ObamaCare Just Got More Horrific

Andrew Sullivan just posted the above image, which is evidently being sent around by TownHall.com. Now, obviously, most of this isn't really news. Grandmas, babies, puppies, pandas, they're all going down once ObamaCare goes into effect. Also, it will make ice cream taste like boogers and spoil the end of Lost, but none of that is a surprise. The thing that does shock me about this though is the size of that baby compared to the President:

ObamaCare killing babies is one thing, but giant babies? I have to say, I'm sort of on the fence about that one. Sure it seems cruel on paper, but when you're fending off a swarm of 15-foot man-gumming babies, you'll wish you'd supported Obama's genocidal socialized eugenics gestapo.

I'll bet the thing that made the babies giant is also what made President Obama's skin glow orange.

Tags: Abortion, Barack Obama, Euthanasia, Health Care, Townhall