Look, I have no idea how he figured it out. Maybe we have a traitor in our midst; it certainly wasn't me. But somehow Rep. Todd Akin — who clearly has an adult person brain that thinks totally unlike third-graders — has discovered the horrible secret of liberalism…
Akin (R-Mo.) told Family Research Council President Tony Perkins on his radio show Friday that "the heart of liberalism really is a hatred for God and a belief that government should replace God," in a discussion of NBC editing out the phrase "under God" from the Pledge of Allegiance during the network’s telecast of the U.S. Open two weeks ago…
After the outcry from Taves and other liberal-minded local clergy, Akin, who is seeking Missouri's 2012 GOP senate nomination, told St. Louis radio station KMOX on Monday that no apologies would be forthcoming.
"I don't think there's anything to apologize for,” he said. "I think I can clarify that I was talking about public references, too. I think that clarifies it a little bit. But there's just such a historic pattern there, that I think that it probably could’ve been clarified but no, I'm not going to apologize for what I see liberalism doing in trying to take God out."
Now, since the cat is clearly already out of the bag, I feel like we should clarify things a bit. Yes, definitely, most liberals turned to liberalism because they hate God. If you think about it, it's kind of obvious. Amazing, really, that nobody hit upon this earlier. Maybe people got fooled by the fact that there's only one openly atheist Democratic politician working today and all the other ones are avowedly religious.
But, what Akin's brilliant analysis missed was the rifts in liberalism. Like, okay, a hatred of God is at the heart of liberalism for most of us. But then there's others for whom the heart of their liberalism is a hatred of leprechauns. Or a hatred of zombie wizards. And then there's people like me who really hate Superman.
And that really is what's wrong with the Democratic Party these days. We can't get together to decide on which superpowerful being to hate.
Maybe one day.
Tags: Atheists, Christianity, Family Research Council, House of Representatives, Liberals, Religion, Todd Akin
Uh oh! Looks like some of the heads of conservative movement's "values voters" wing has caught wind that some gay people are planning on attending their annual orgiastic patriot party.
Can't risk being associated with those types…
Some of the nation's most prominent social conservatives are sending a message to their economic brethren by dropping out of the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) in response to the decision to include GOProud, a gay conservative group, as a participating organization.
"The base-line reason is that homosexuality is not a conservative value," said Bryan Fischer, the American Family Association's director of issue analysis. "It's the conservative PAC, not the libertarian PAC."…
Other social-issues groups opting to avoid the conference include the Heritage Foundation, the Family Research Council, the Center for Military Readiness, the American Family Association, the American Principles Project, the Liberty Counsel and the National Organization for Marriage.
I cannot even imagine the cognitive gymnastic ability needed to be an out gay-person and an avowed conservative these days. It must be like manning a gun turret in a fighter plane while fist swordfighting with all your fellow crewmen at the same time. Except with about a third of the other crewmen trying to grab your package when they think no one's looking. just seems like a lot to deal with.
Tags: American Family Association, Bryan Fischer, Christianity, Conservatives, CPAC, Family Research Council, GOProud, LGBT, National Organization for Marriage, Religion, Republicans
Enjoy life as you know it while it lasts, my fellow straight people, for soon we will be forced to endure the unimaginably horrific dystopia of two dudes that you don't know buying each other rings and fighting over floral centerpieces. My mind is bending toward insanity at the mere thought of it…
After the jump, Stephen Colbert reveals his flawless plan for us heterosexuals to ruin gay people's marriages the same way they're ruining our heterosexual marriages with their gay marriage-having.
Tags: CNN, Constitution, Economy, Elena Kagan, Family Research Council, Fox, Jon Stewart, LGBT, Maggie Gallagher, Marriage Equality, National Organization for Marriage, Neil Cavuto, Proposition 8, Rick Sanchez, Ronald Reagan, Sarah Palin, Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report, The Daily Show, Tony Perkins, Vaughn Walker, Video
Hey, have you heard the good news? Turns out that gay conservative pastor Ted Haggard who was caught having multiple gay sex encounters with a gay sex male prostitute isn't gay after all…
Mr. Haggard said that is ridiculous. He portrays his encounter with the prostitute as a massage that went awry and said he doesn't have same-sex attractions. He dismisses as a "witch hunt" the findings of his former church that he engaged in a pattern of misconduct, including sordid talk and inappropriate relationships. (He said his only fault was cracking a few crude jokes.)
Aw, that's so nice to know. Glad he finally decided to set the record straight. So, in honor of his brave admission of having done nothing wrong, here's a collection of some of our favorite moments of the Daily Show reporting on Haggard and his fellow non-gay conservative anti-gay crusaders…
November 6, 2006: Ted Haggard
More incidents of Haggard's Law after the jump.
The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.
Tags: Catholic Church, Christianity, Conservatives, Family Research Council, George Rekers, Haggard's Law, House of Representatives, Larry Craig, LGBT, Religion, Republicans, Senate, Ted Haggard
On last night's Daily Show, Jon Stewart pointed out that shit is basically out of control all over the entire world. The Gulf Coast is soaked in oil, Nashville is under water, Greece is about to collapse, the Dow went on a rollercoaster and some numbnuts tried to blow up Times Square. And that's just a few of the crazy things that have happened in only the last week. I knew it was a mistake to built Earth on that old Indian burial ground!
The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.
Tags: CNN, Economy, Energy & Oil, Faisal Shahzad, Family Research Council, George Rekers, Greece, IRS, Jon Stewart, Natural Disasters, Republicans, Rick Sanchez, Terrorism, The Daily Show, Video, Wall Street