Fidel Castro Weighs in on GOP Field, Is Still Alive

Hugo Chávez recently got some attention for insulting Barack Obama, so naturally Fidel Castro had to wobble to his feet and prove that he's still the cream of the outrageous Latin-American ruling-class crop. And the roughly Mr. Burns-aged autocrat began to offer his thoughts on the GOP race…

"The selection of a Republican candidate for the presidency of this globalized and expansive empire is — and I mean this seriously — the greatest competition of idiocy and ignorance that has ever been," he wrote, according to The Associated Press.

You mean to tell me the Republicans have lost the radical communist revolutionary voting bloc? Fidel, you're turning my world upside-down.

Also, Castro, you're just wrong. This primary season has been anything but a celebration of ignorance. Yes, Rick Perry bragged about graduating near the bottom of his class a few times. Yes, Herman Cain said that thing about Uzbeki-beki-beki-stan-stan. And, yes, Michele Bachmann was Michele Bachmann.

But those people are long gone. All that's left now is a guy who thinks Bain Capital is a real person and another guy who thinks asking his second wife for an open marriage makes him normal.

Plus two other guys who aren't going to win.

Photo by Handout/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Tags: Cuba, Fidel Castro, Primaries, Republicans

U.S. Congress Still More Popular Than Fidel Castro

According to a new poll from Gallup, the United States Congress is currently hovering at a record low 13 percent approval rating. But, less than a month ago, a CBS/NYT poll clocked congressional approval at a staggering 9 percent, which you've got to admit is kind of impressive.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to reach depths that low in the United States where we are not exactly famous for our discerning taste? (Double down anyone?) As such, I suspect there was at least a modicum of pride at work when Sen. Michael Bennet took to the Senate floor to unveil this chart putting his legislative body's accomplishment into its proper context…

Suck it, Hugo Chavez!

You too, Paris Hilton and Watergate-era Richard Nixon!

Tags: Colorado, Fidel Castro, House of Representatives, Michael Bennet, Paris Hilton, Polls, Richard Nixon, Senate

Marco Rubio Haunted by Possibility that His Parents Were Just Regular Immigrants

Fortunately for Marco Rubio, he is a handsome, up-and-coming star within the Republican Party, whose Cuban roots have a particular appeal in South Florida and assisted his rise to national prominence.

Unfortunately for Marco Rubio…

He was the son of exiles, [Rubio] told audiences, Cuban Americans forced off their beloved island after "a thug," Fidel Castro, took power. But a review of documents — including naturalization papers and other official records — reveals that Rubio's dramatic account of his family saga embellishes the facts. The documents show that Rubio’s parents came to the United States and were admitted for permanent residence more than 2 1/2 years before Castro's forces overthrew the Cuban government and took power on New Year's Day 1959.

Wait, who cares? Family histories are complicated. I'm sure once Rubio updated his website to reflect the reality of his family's story, we could stop worrying about the exact date of his parents' departure and just acknowledge that Senator Rubio, no matter what you think of his politics, represents some of the best of the immigrant experience. Except Rubio won't let it go…

… The story's the same one. Like I said, are there dates that are different, that we were wrong, because I didn't know. I mean, we're talking about things that happened 15 years before I was even born.

But, the bottom line is, the story is essentially the same one, and I think it's been blown way out of proportion by some people in the media.

I think I know why this matters so much. According to some, if you escaped from Castro's Cuba after the Revolution, you're a sexy anti-communist exile, ready to work hard and defend freedom. But if you emigrated from Cuba while Castro was still hanging out in Mexico, you're just another Hispanic immigrant, coming to steal our jobs and take our welfare (somehow at the same time).

In fact, there's one U.S. Senator who has become particularly adept at distinguishing between different kinds of deserving and undeserving immigrants.

Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Tags: Cuba, Fidel Castro, Florida, Immigration, Marco Rubio, Republicans

Our Endorsements: Jack Black Country Rock

* "Senator" by Stephen Malkmus and the Jicks. Featuring Jack Black and a slew of comedians. Not entirely safe for work.

* The most terrifying Halloween costume for your child: "The Donald." From HuffPo Comedy.

* A fake news anchor answers the question, "Who is the best liar in Washington?"

* Conan O'Brien wonders about Hillary's VP designs.

* Vice Magazine's Rob Delaney breaks down Romney's chances.

* Seems like a long time since we voted for a new God, from College Humor.

* Twitter maven Megan Amram raps about Arianna Huffington.

Tags: Barack Obama, Conan O'Brien, Daily Links, Donald Trump, Fidel Castro, Halloween, Hillary Clinton, Jack Black, Joe Biden, Lady Gaga, Mitt Romney, Music, Primaries, Republicans, Sarah Palin, The Onion

Cuba (Almost) Libre: Top 5 Cuban Moments From The Daily Show and The Colbert Report

Since 1958, Cuba, home to 11 million people and 15 million pounds of ropa vieja, has been the most dangerous country in the world. But all that is about to change. President Obama signed an executive order over the weekend allowing American Cubans unrestricted travel back to their homeland and the ability to bring American stuff with them. And once the Schlitz and gogurt starts flowing in, democracy can't be too far behind.

To honor this sorta kinda normalizing of relations, we found some sorta kinda good clips about Cuba from The Daily Show and Colbert:

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Tags: Cuba, Fidel Castro, Jon Stewart, Michael Moore, Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report, The Daily Show, Video