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FIGHT ME!
  • "Banana-Fanna-Fo-Reince Priebus": Destroyer of "The Name Game" FIGHT ME!

    Umm, how can Reince Priebus say he’s leading the GOP when he’s taking time to post on fucking Twitter?

    Also, REINCE, I’d rather have Obama put his NCAA bracket over "other pressing issues" than have some GOP asshole put people in the highest TAX bracket over ALL pressing issues — which is exactly what you and your colleagues do.

    Sorry your parents named you after what I can only assume to be a member of the Jedi Council. FIGHT ME!


    Tags: Barack Obama, Basketball, FIGHT ME!, NCAA, Reince Priebus, RNC, Sports, Twitter
  • Bryan Fischer, Your Full Metal Straight Jacket Is Now Ready. FIGHT ME!

    In response to a Wall Street Journal article about Medal of Honor winner, Salvatore Giunta, Christian activist Bryan Fischer, is speaking out against what he calls the “feminization” of the military’s highest honor.

    “When we think of heroism in battle, we used the think of our boys storming the beaches of Normandy under withering fire, climbing the cliffs of Pointe du Hoc while enemy soldiers fired straight down on them, and tossing grenades into pill boxes to take out gun emplacements.

    We now award it only for preventing casualties, not for inflicting them.

    So the question is this: when are we going to start awarding the Medal of Honor once again for soldiers who kill people and break things, so our families can sleep safely at night?”

    First of all, Bryan, I’m not entirely certain you're thinking of “heroism in battle” as much as you're thinking of “opening scene in Saving Private Ryan.”

    Secondly, our preoccupation with Brett Favre’s penis and 4 a.m. Black Friday deals tend to suggest that “our families” are sleeping pretty fucking safely. IN FACT, I would argue that the only families who are NOT sleeping safely are the ones who lie awake wondering if their sons/brothers/husbands are being blown to bits in Iraq or Afghanistan. And, of course, through his heroism, Sgt. Giunta actually DID help those families sleep better at night.

    Thirdly, Bryan, if the point of your tirade is that you think we should award medals for killing the enemy AND for saving lives, fine. But I would ask YOU two questions:

    (1) What “awards” do you propose we hand out for the accidental killing of people who AREN’T the enemy? I mean, even Call of Duty penalizes players for killing friendlies. Don't you think we should AT LEAST operate at the same ethical level as our nation's gamers/40-yr old virgins?

    and

    (2) Have you ever considered the fact that the reason it’s hard to award medals for taking the lives of “the enemy” is that we’ve managed to be as opaque as possible in defining WHO our enemy even is?

    Not to mention, even if we COULD define “the enemy,” MAYBE the reason we don’t routinely praise our soldiers for killing them is because praising people for taking lives, rather than saving them, is exactly what our "enemies" do.

    FIGHT ME!

    Jason Mustian is a comedian who pees sitting down and lives in New York City with his wife, who, to the best of his knowledge, also pees sitting down.


    Tags: Afghanistan, Bryan Fischer, FIGHT ME!, Iraq
  • Palin, Party of Tea, Your Table of Shame Is Now Ready. FIGHT ME!

    First of all, Sarah, its pretty fucking "explicable."

    You see, US Courts (which are like the "Mama Grizzlies of the Law," if that helps), have jurisdiction over things like copyrights, (which are what you would want to get if you, say, want to protect a book you wrote, or the word "refudiate," that you invented).

    WikiLeaks on the other hand is hosted by a Swedish based company (FYI Sweden is a lot like Alaska in that it’s cold and white, but DIFFERENT in that their economy is based on meatballs & apartment furniture rather than raping the earth for oil). ANYWAY. Long story short, U.S. courts don't have jurisdiction over Sweden because it’s a different country.

    Secondly, I’m not sure WikiLeaks act was "treasonous." Actually, I'm pretty sure that for something to be "treasonous" it must contain elements of "treason," a word which is defined as follows…

    treason |ˈtrēzən|

    noun (also high treason)

    the crime of betraying one’s country, esp. by attempting to kill the sovereign or overthrow the government

    So, you see Sarah, unless WikiLeaks and its founders were American, WHICH they aren't, they would be incapable of being "treasonous" against the United States.

    NOT that any of this matters though, as the blatantly obvious point of this Tweet was to conceal a plug for your new book within your ill conceived political philosophy.

    And for THAT merging of private business and government, Sarah Palin, I hereby certify you as ready to take the Republican nomination for President. FIGHT ME!

    Jason Mustian is a comedian who pees sitting down and lives in New York City with his wife, who, to the best of his knowledge, also pees sitting down.


    Tags: Books, FIGHT ME!, Sarah Palin, Twitter, WikiLeaks