Latest Posts

  • The Onion: New Evidence Proves First Flag Made by Betsy Ross Actually Shirt for Gay Friend

    The Onion reports

    Historians at the University of Pennsylvania announced the discovery this week of a personal diary from the late 18th century that reveals the first U.S. flag sewed by Betsy Ross was originally intended as a shirt for her flamboyant gay friend Nathaniel.

    "This has completely upended the accepted narrative behind the first American flag," said historian Kenneth Atwood, who led the team of scholars analyzing the long-forgotten journal of prominent Philadelphia homosexual Nathaniel Linsley. "Now we can say with certainty that our nation's most enduring symbol of freedom, strength, and prosperity is actually just the result of Nathaniel's desire for a sassy, tight-fitting top."

    "We've all been taught that the 13 stars and stripes of the first U.S. flag represented the original 13 colonies, but this is simply not the case," Atwood added. "In fact, Nathaniel thought that stripes were slimming, and he just really, really liked stars."…

    Also, Rhode Island was originally going to be a breakfast nook.

    Tags: Fashion, Flags, Founding Fathers, LGBT, The Onion
  • They Day They Planned to Burn Old Dixie Down, Assuming It Adheres to Municipal Fire Codes

    Here's an interesting question: When is it acceptable to burn the Confederate Flag? Besides usually, I mean…

    An anonymous liberal blogger in Washington state hopes that progressives across the country will show up to tea party rallies on September 12 and — if it's legal — light up a confederate flag so tea partiers can watch it burn.

    "I think that it would start a great conversation about race and about how it's being used for political gain right now," the blogger, who preferred to be identified by his online handle, "General J.C. Christian," told me Monday. "I can imagine people showing up at the tea parties, which I'll do at my local one, and the tea party backers will start explaining why [the flag] is about state's rights, not slavery, and all that and basically hang themselves."

    Hmmmm… I'm curious about this "great conversation about race" that this idea supposedly spark. Granted, I've only been living in this country for 37 years, but I would never say that I was under impression that its citizens were one flaming-Dixie away from having a "great conversation about race."

    Maybe I'm wrong, though. I wonder what that conversation would go like if it did happen. I wonder…

    Teabagger: Hey, stop burning that flag, you liberal pansy!

    Flag burner: Why, does it offend your racist heritage?

    Teabagger: [Punch]

    Flag burner: [Bleed]

    Seems about right.

    Tags: 9/12, Civil War, Flags, Liberals, Protesters, Racism, Tea Party
  • There's Something a Little Off About This Lady, and I Can't Quite Put My Finger On It

    Oh! I know what it is!

    She's not inside one of my nightmares. I'm used to seeing her in a whole other context.

    (via Reddit)

    Tags: Flags, Tea Party
  • American Flags No Longer Considered Offensive in Texas

    Great news! It's no longer against all the rules to hang an American Flag in your work place in America.

    Man, I never thought we'd get rid of that old chestnut…

    [W]hen McLucas arrived at work at a Texas hospital last Friday, she was stunned to be told that the Stars and Stripes she had hung in her office in advance of Memorial Day were offensive, and that the flag had been removed.

    "I got into work, I was met by my supervisor and told that there had been multiple complaints, that people found the flag very offensive and it had been taken down," McLucas told

    But, wait! Don't break into uncontrollable tears over how badly the American-citizen minority is being oppressed in this country! There's a happy ending, I swear!

    Kindred issued a press release stating, "Kindred Hospital Mansfield has a great deal of appreciation for the service that many of our employees and their families have given to their country. We honor our veterans and active military through a variety of benefits and service programs. This was an isolated incident between two employees that we are working to resolve amicably."

    The statement went on to explain: "The disagreement was over the size of the flag and not what it symbolized. We have invited the employee to put the flag back up."

    Wooo hooo! America finally wins something!

    Take that, President Obama! And take that also, Speaker Pelosi! And also Secretary Clinton should take some of that, too! And if there's some of that left over, it should probably go to that Noam Chomsky person, whoever that is!

    Really, though, how stupid was that hospital supervisor? Incredibly stupid or the stupidest? Not letting an American citizen in America — let's not even get into the fact that it's Texas, specifically — hang an American flag in her own workspace?

    That is without doubt the dumbest thing ever, only slightly beating the second dumbest thing ever, which is turning this office squabble into a national news story.

    Tags: Flags, Texas