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Football
  • Barack Obama Makes Good on College Football Campaign Promise

    Barack Obama's signature domestic initiative is under threat from the Supreme Court. Unemployment remains high. Foreclosures continue apace. Guantanamo Bay remains open.

    But there are glimmers of progress. For years, fans of college football have suffered under the vagaries of the Bowl Championship Series. "Let's not contaminate college football with the infectious excitement the playoffs provide in most other team sports," said absolutely no one who didn't have lucrative vested interest in the BCS.

    As a candidate, Obama promised hope and change on this vital issue. During a Monday Night Football broadcast the night before the 2008 election, Obama said, "I think it's about time we had playoffs in college football. I'm fed up with these computer rankings and this that and the other. Get eight teams — the top eight teams right at the end. You got a playoff. Decide on a national champion."

    As with the public option during the health care debate, the president didn't get all he wanted. Yesterday, a committee of university presidents approved a plan for a four-team playoff put forward by commissioners of the top football conferences, rather than the eight-team vision championed by Obama.

    There's no word on whether Mitt Romney will attack Obama for this failing, but his hesitancy can be forgiven on account that Romney and the BCS computer were manufactured in the same facility.

    At the very least, with his campaign now based on bribing voters with ice cream and improving college football, Obama is proving that he's a real American.

    Photo by Sara D. Davis/Getty Images News/Getty Images


    Tags: Barack Obama, Football, Sports
  • Blogger Exposes Barack Obama's Vast Football Throwing Conspiracy

    A typical response to the above photograph, an official snapshot captured by White House photographer Pete Souza at Soldier Field following a NATO meeting in Chicago, might be to say, "nice form" or "not bad for a lefty" or "get back to work," if one is being uncharitable. This is because the typical sane person fails to grasp the deviousness of Kenyan Islamic socialism.

    According to one source, with the coming of Obamacare, the only things that will be doctored are official White House photographs

    I'm not one for conspiracy theories. I prefer to base my opinions on demonstration fact that I can point to. However, after looking at an extremely odd photo of President Obama "throwing" a football, I have my doubts that this photo is real.

    That's a writer at the conservative group blog Pundit Press, inaugurating "I'm not one for conspiracy theories…however" as the new "I'm not racist…but." Do go on…

    Note the pixelation that occurs around the entirety of the President's head. Such deterioration does not exist anywhere else (at least so obviously) in the photo. Also note Mr. Obama's oddly large eyes.  Additionally, President Obama is inexplicably looking upward, unless his target is sitting somewhere in the cheap seats 100 yards away.

    Also, would a closet Muslim be holding a pigskin, even if a football is technically made of leather? Not without the help of Photoshop, he wouldn't.

    So like a latter day Woodward and Bernstein, Pundit Press followed the pixels. Unfortunately, the pixels led to a higher quality version of the image, which convinced even our intrepid detective that "the photo was probably not doctored." It was just Muslim'd.


    Tags: Barack Obama, Conspiracies, Football
  • Jim DeMint Opens CPAC with Moving Pro-Intransigence Speech

    Jim DeMint

    Politics — as everyone knows — is not about finding common ground and working together to build a better world for everyone. No, that's socialism.  Politics is about crushing your enemies, seeing them driven before you and to hearing the lamentation of their constituents. Too often do modern politicians forget that.

    That's probably why Sen. Jim DeMint (R-Cimmeria) chose to open this year's CPAC with a stirring heartfelt reminder to sweep the leg, Johnny

    The first major speaker at this year's Conservative Political Action Conference, an annual gathering of right-wing advocates, grassroots activists, and politicians (including 2012 contenders), was Republican Sen. Jim DeMint, who had a fundamental message for the base: compromise sucks…

    Referring to last Sunday's game, he said, "I can guarantee you that coach Tom Coughlin did not tell his Giants to go out on the field and work with those other guys… They weren't cooperating with Tom Brady."

    DeMint explained that the New York Giants and the New England Patriots had "different goals." Consequently, compromise would not work. Continuing with this trenchant observation, DeMint noted that "compromise works well in this world when you have shared goals." You can compromise with a wife or with a business colleague. But not with Democrats: "We don't have shared goals with the Democrats."

    Happy CPAC, everyone! I'm sure it only gets better from here.

    Photo by Chris Maddaloni/CQ-Roll Call Group/Getty Images


    Tags: Conservatives, CPAC, Football, Jim DeMint, Senate, South Carolina, Sports
  • Karl Rove Offended by Insufficiently Bleak Car Commercial [VIDEO]

    While watching the Super Bowl last night, like I was not — because, really, a pox on both those teams — did you happen to see that incredibly-offensive overtly-political commercial that really just went too far? No, no! Not Pete Hoekstra's Chinese minstrel ad. That one was only matched in hilarity by its adroitness.

    No, I'm talking about that disgusting Chrysler ad in which that Commie actor Clint Eastwood imagines a better tomorrow for America and for its auto-industry. And in a car commercial, no less

    "They almost lost everything," Eastwood says of Detroit. "But we all pulled together. Now Motor City is fighting again."

    "I was, frankly, offended by it," said Karl Rove on Fox News Monday. "I'm a huge fan of Clint Eastwood, I thought it was an extremely well-done ad, but it is a sign of what happens when you have Chicago-style politics, and the president of the United States and his political minions are, in essence, using our tax dollars to buy corporate advertising."

    How do those auto companies get away with such hamfistedly-partisan pro-auto industry commercials on network television?!

    And to do it with our tax dollars! That would certainly be going too far if it weren't a completely fabricated point. Still! I'm not going to let the make-believe-ness of Rove's factoid get in the way of all this righteous ire I'm experiencing.

    What's next? Bally Total Fitness mindlessly mouthing Michelle Obama's pro-anti-fatness agenda?


    Tags: Advertising, Auto Industry, Clint Eastwood, Football, Karl Rove, Sports
  • Tim Tebow's Union Asks Why Politicians Hate Workers, Football and the American Way

    God is sending such confusing signals this election cycle.

    Last night, Tim Tebow threw for two touchdowns and 316 NFL yards, which is approximately 3 million Angel yards. It's a clear message that we should direct our votes to Rick Perry or Rick Santorum, who could appoint the young man Secretary of Christianity and end our nation's highly clandestine — it's so secretive, not even the supposed combatants know about it — war on religion.

    But then, during Sunday's debate, Perry, Santorum and Mitt Romney, all spoke — perhaps unwittingly — against the man who falls (after being betrayed by his offensive line) only to rise again…

    "Right-to-work legislation makes a lot of sense for New Hampshire," said Mr. Romney, at the debate sponsored by NBC News and Facebook.

    "I'm a right-to-work guy," said Mr. Perry. "I come from a right-to-work state and I will tell you, if New Hampshire wants to become a magnet for job creation in the Northeast, you pass that right-to-work legislation in this state."

    Sure, it sounds like anodyne support for legislation making its way through the state capitols across the country that would undermine organized labor by allowing workers to refuse to pay dues, even when they're covered by a collective bargaining unit. Yawn. But! Right-to-work laws are also opposed by Tim Tebow's union, the National Football Players Association, a position that came to light last week when Indiana Democrats absconded from Indianapolis to prevent a vote on the measure…

    We're not just a team of football players — we're also the fans at games and at home, the employees who work the concession stands and the kids who wear the jerseys of our favorite football heroes. NFL players know what it means to fight for workers' rights, better pensions and health and safety in the workplace…"Right-to-work" is a political ploy designed to destroy basic workers' rights. It’s not about jobs or rights…So-called "right-to-work" bills divide working families at a time when communities need to stand united.

    Now I'm confused. Why do these candidates hate football, America and Tim Tebow so much?

    Photo by Doug Pensinger/Getty Images Sports/Getty Images


    Tags: Debates, Football, Indiana, Mitt Romney, New Hampshire, Rick Perry, Rick Santorum, Sports, Tim Tebow, Unions, Work/office