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Football
  • Super Bowl XLVI Is Packed with Patriots

    Super Bowl XLVI is less than a month away. That's number 46 for all you ignoramuses out there. You know who I'm talking about: The lobotomized cretins who scream at the TV if their team loses, pick fights with people who are just trying to enjoy themselves, and constantly spew knee-jerk jingoism out of their gaping maws.

    No not you, dear sports fans. The Tea Party.

    A group calling themselves the Impeach Obama Tea Party is planning to fly an "Impeach Obama" banner over Lucas Oil Stadium in Indianapolis during the Super Bowl on February 5th. It remains to be seen if stricter security measures will be taken for the Super Bowl versus the Rose Bowl, which they flew over earlier this week (see below).

    Warning: This video is not for the faint of heart.

    Like I said, not for the faint of heart. It's for the faint of intellect.


    Tags: Barack Obama, Football, Sports, Tea Party
  • Joe Paterno Medal of Freedom Nomination Withdrawn

    There is no joy in Happy Valley this morning, as the bros and brosefs of Penn State University remove their New Era caps and take in the news that recently fired PSU football coach Joe Paterno will probably not be receiving the nation's highest civilian honor, the Presidential Medal of Freedom…

    Pennsylvania's senators on Thursday announced that they are rescinding their support for the nomination of Joe Paterno for a Presidential Medal of Freedom, one day after the longtime Penn State football coach was fired by the school’s board of trustees in the wake of a child sex-abuse scandal that has shocked the country.

    "In light of the recent events in State College, we are rescinding our support for the nomination of Joe Paterno for the Presidential Medal of Freedom," Sens. Bob Casey (D-Pa.) and Pat Toomey (R-Pa.) said in a statement.

    I know I should be excited about a strong bipartisan stand against alleged rape enablers receiving medals. Still, while teaching young men to carry a ball down the field is one of our nation's highest callings, it's a little weird to have nominated a football coach for this honor, even before Paterno failed to alert police authorities about the activities of his longtime assistant, who allegedly raped a 10-year-old boy in the Penn State football showers. It's almost as disconcerting as that assistant being called a "Congressional Angel…"

    Then Pennsylvania Sen. Rick Santorum thought enough of Jerry Sandusky nine years ago to sponsor the former Penn State defense coordinator for a "Congressional Angels in Adoption" award, citing his work with a non-profit group he founded to provide care for foster children.

    Santorum, of course, had no way of knowing that Sandusky was a serial child abuser. All because I've butt-dialed 9-1-1 more times than Joe Paterno has dialed that number in order to report a case of sexual assault

    Photo by Rob Carr/Getty Images Sport/Getty Images


    Tags: Bob Casey, Football, Pat Toomey, Pennsylvania, Rick Santorum
  • From the Pork Barrel: 9-9-9

    * Herman Cain's 9-9-9 plan looks like it would probably be pretty damaging to poor people, which, you know, really just serves them right for choosing to be so goddamned poor.

    * If you like Sean Penn, you're probably a Democrat. If you like Jon Voight, you're probably a Republican. If you like Taylor Lautner, you've probably suffered a severe head trauma, possibly in, like, a really bad car accident or something.

    * Barack Obama is the loneliest POTUS in the whole entire country.

    * Shed a tear, gentle reader, for Bocephus, proud champion of Godwin's Law, for he shall never again find himself ready for some or any amount of football.

    Photo by Mark Wilson/Getty Images News/Getty Images


    Tags: Adolf Hitler, Barack Obama, Democrats, Economy, Football, Hank Williams Jr., Herman Cain, Music, Pork Barrel, Primaries, Republicans, Sports, Television
  • After Comparing Obama to Hitler, Is Hank Williams Jr. Ready for Some Unemployment?

    After 23 years of listening to a bastardized version of "All My Rowdy Friends Are Coming Over Tonight," fans of Monday Night Football* were forced to watch the game without the benefit of the popular intro, after ESPN pulled the "are you ready for some football?" segment from last night's broadcast. The action came on the heels of Fox News' decision to seek expert insight from the song's performer, country singer and keen political analyst Hank Williams, Jr

    In an interview Monday morning on Fox News' "Fox & Friends," Williams, unprompted, said of Obama's outing on the links with House Speaker John Boehner: "It'd be like Hitler playing golf with (Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin) Netanyahu."

    Asked to clarify, Williams said, "They're the enemy," adding that by "they" he meant Obama and Vice President Joe Biden.

    Anchor Gretchen Carlson later said to him, "You used the name of one of the most hated people in all of the world to describe, I think, the president." Williams replied, "Well, that is true. But I'm telling you like it is."

    To be fair to the Hankster, I understand his bewilderment at ESPN's reaction to his comments. After all, once you've changed your name from Randall Williams to Hank Jr. in order to more closely associate with your infinitely more talented father, every other analogy sounds pretty tame by comparison.

    .

    * Ironically, America's most socialist sport. Think about it: stringent salary caps and a revenue sharing scheme that divides TV income among the 32 teams. Where is Glenn Beck's blackboard when you need it?

    Photo by Mike Ehrmann/Getty Images Sport/Getty Images


    Tags: Adolf Hitler, Barack Obama, Football, Fox, Hank Williams Jr., John Boehner
  • Jon Stewart on New York's Gay People Getting Gay Married

    Well, now that gay marriage is coming to New York it's just a matter of time before places like NYC end up as grime-covered, urine-soaked cesspools filled with angry, self-centered borderline sociopaths. But with gay married people! Can you even imagine?

    Coverage continues with The Book of Mormon's Josh Gad at New York City's Gay Pride Parade after the jump.

    The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11/10c.

    Read More »


    Tags: Barack Obama, DOMA, Football, Jon Stewart, LGBT, Marriage Equality, New York, Sports, State Legislature, The Daily Show, Video