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Foster Friess
  • Rick Santorum Disavows Bad Joke That Still Reflects His Beliefs

    At the risk of beating a dead joke that's also stupid and unfunny, I must inform you that a man named Foster Friess recently made a stupid and unfunny joke about birth control. Friess, a major Rick Santorum supporter and probable pearl-handled revolver-owner, then said he was sorry. But if Rick Santorum's recent comments are any indication, the GOP gods don't seem ready to let this issue die

    "[Friess] is a supporter of mine, and I'm not responsible for every comment that a supporter of mine makes," said Santorum on CBS's "This Morning." "It was a bad joke, it was a stupid joke, and it is not reflective of me or my record on this issue [of contraception]."

    [Santorum continued,] "This is the same gotcha politics that you get from the media, and I'm just not going to play that game."

    Amen — I'm sick of pundits playing these games too. Santorum may have called contraception unnatural and "not okay," but that's no reason for his supporters' anti-contraception comments to be equated with him. Right? Plus, Santorum then pointed out that he's actually supported federal funding for contraception.

    Hey, he should've started flip-flopping sooner. It might not have taken him so long to catch up to Romney.

    Photo by Bill Pugliano/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Tags: Contraception, Foster Friess, Republicans, Rick Santorum
  • Foster Friess Apologizes for His Crappy Joke

    Foster FriessYesterday, shortly after half the Internet achieved simultaneous indignation orgasms over Foster Friess's crappy birth control/aspirin comment. Was it a shitty attempt at a joke? Or was it a heartfelt statement of belief? Nobody seemed to care. Everyone just seemed to enjoy getting apoplectic about it, as people are wont to do on the Internet.

    Maybe it was all the negative attention — or maybe it was getting media-punched by the candidate he loves so much – but Friess decided to offer a formal, and seemingly heartfelt, apology for his awful awful comedy skills on his cowboy-themed blog

    "Last week my joke at the Conservative Political Action Conference generated laughter and media attention. Today on Andrea Mitchell's show, my aspirin joke bombed as many didn't recognize it as a joke but thought it was my prescription for today's birth control practices. In fact, the only positive comments I got were from folks who remembered it from 50 years back. Birth control pills weren't yet available, so everyone laughed at the silliness on how an aspirin could become a birth control pill.

    "After listening to the segment tonight, I can understand how I confused people with the way I worded the joke and their taking offense is very understandable. To all those who took my joke as modern day approach I deeply apologize and seek your forgiveness. My wife constantly tells me I need new material — she understood the joke but didn’t like it anyway — so I will keep that old one in the past where it belongs."

    I really hope that apologizing for bad jokes doesn't become, like, a thing. I barely ever have any free time as it is now.

    Photo by Gage Skidmore/Wikimedia Commons

    Tags: Contraception, Foster Friess, Sex
  • Foster Friess Makes Stupid Joke, Entire Internet Freaks Out

    Foster FriessBusinessman Foster Friess is a very vocal supporter of Rick Santorum. So, that right there gives us some indication of the quality of his decision making skills. He also has a history of making shitty jokes that are not likely to be much-appreciated.

    Today, though — while discussing Darrell Issa's Congressional witch hunt on contraception with MSNBC's Andrea Mitchell — he really outdid himself

    "I get such a chuckle when these things come out. Here we have millions of our fellow Americans unemployed, we have jihadist camps being set up in Latin America, which Rick has been warning about, and people seem to be so preoccupied with sex. I think it says something about our culture. We maybe need a massive therapy session so we can concentrate on what the real issues are.

    "And this contraceptive thing, my gosh, it's such inexpensive. Back in my day, they used Bayer aspirin for contraceptives. The gals put it between their knees and it wasn't that costly."

    Okay, so let's all take a step back, breathe in and out a few times, and try to stop hyperventilating for a moment after reading that.

    Clearly, it was a stupid stupid joke. One that goes a long way toward highlighting what is likely a deep vein of misogynistic tendencies (he is a Santorum supporter, after all). But it was a joke. One that is likely in a million bathroom readers and crappy used book store yuck-yuck compendiums across the country. And — though you can argue against its sensitivity or value, given the circumstances — it's flat-out wrong to report on it as though it was intended as a statement of fact and not an obvious misplaced attempt at levity.

    So, I'm not sure whether normally astute websites like BuzzFeed, Talking Points MemoThink Progress and Slate didn't get that it was a bad joke or just have all just chosen to act like it wasn't one, but it seems to me like this an overblown manufactured scandal.

    All that said, what an idiot!

    Photo by Gage Skidmore/Wikimedia Commons

    Tags: Contraception, Darrell Issa, Foster Friess, House of Representatives, Senate, Sex
  • CPAC Attendees Surprisingly Unamused by Romney Joke

    This morning at the Conservative Political Action Conference, condomless wonder Rick Santorum was greeted by an extended standing ovation.

    Unfortunately, his sugar daddy didn't get quite the same reception

    The top donor to Rick Santorum's presidential campaign, Foster Friess, took a dig at Mitt Romney while introducing the former Pennsylvania senator at CPAC Friday morning.

    "There's a little bar a couple door downs, and recently a conservative, a liberal, and a moderate walked into the bar. The bartender says 'Hi, Mitt,'" Friess joked as a mix of boos and applause rained down from the crowd.

    It's actually kind of a clever joke — even better than the joke of Rick Santorum believing he can win the general election.

    Maybe Friess should go on the road with his comedy routine. If he's ever booed or heckled again, he can politely remind his GOP audience that he doesn't come down to where they work and knock the dicks out of their Cheney. And if he needs a good punchline, just mention Newt Gingrich.

    Photo by Gage Skidmore/Wikimedia Commons

    Tags: Conservatives, CPAC, Foster Friess, Mitt Romney, Rick Santorum
  • Meet Rick Santorum's Sugar Daddy

    Deranged billionaires are usually a lot of fun. They're eccentric, they drive cool bat-shaped automobiles and sometimes plot to block out the sun. But did you know that they also like funding hopeless GOP candidates?

    Meet billionaire Foster Friess, the one guy in America who actually thinks Rick Santorum can, and should, be president

    Foster Friess is the largest financial backer of the political entity running an independent campaign to boost Mr. Santorum in the GOP race… Mr. Friess, 71 years old, said he plans to fund television advertisements for Mr. Santorum in other states in February and March. That could help keep Mr. Santorum competitive against his better-funded rivals and is one reason the fight for the Republican nomination will likely run at least through Super Tuesday on March 6…

    Originally from Wisconsin, Mr. Friess was a reporter in his younger days, writing obituaries and covering weddings for a weekly paper in Rice Lake with a circulation of 5,000. He made his fortune on Wall Street with an investment fund called Friess Associates…He said he belongs to 13 golf clubs…

    Mr. Friess said Mr. Santorum has the best chance of winning the nomination because he "doesn't have to explain Bain and he doesn't have the baggage that Gingrich has."

    Despite Santorum's abysmal fifth-place showing in New Hampshire, third-place finish in South Carolina and nonexistent Florida campaign, Friess is confident that Santorum has the best chance of winning. For a guy who earned his own fortune on Wall Street, this Friess fellow doesn't sound too bright. To support a loser like Santorum — known for his extreme opposition to all forms of birth control — Friess must have a ton of stock in Babies "R" Us.

    But how does Santorum reconcile his reliance on a sugar daddy with his extreme right-wing views? Santorum believes in the supremacy of a two-parent household. If there's a sugar daddy, where's the sugar mommy?

    Photo by T.J. Kirkpatrick/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Tags: Foster Friess, Money, Primaries, Republicans, Rick Santorum, Super PACs