Ann Romney Blames the Media

Good news for "you people." Ann Romney doesn't blame you for not electing her husband, even though he spends his days buying Honey Nut Cheerios from a CVS like some kind of hobo, instead of reigning over us from the White House.

Unless you people work for the media. Then Ann totally hates you.

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Mitt Romney Gets Off the Roller Coaster

Mitt Romney* returned from his post-election hibernation/power-saving sleep mode to make a very brave appearance on Fox News! I think this is one of those deals where if he sees his shadow, we'll get six more weeks of harping about the poors.

So what was the campaign like?

"We were on a roller coaster, exciting and thrilling, ups and downs. But the ride ends," Romney said. "And then you get off. And it's not like, oh, can't we be on a roller coaster the rest of our life? It's like, no, the ride's over."

Just as well. We were all getting nauseated towards the end.

_{* Willard Mitt Romney was once an important political figure who secured the Republican Party's presidential nomination in the 2012 election.}

Barack Obama and Tiger Woods Hold Secret Golf Summit

Still reeling from a campaign in which both candidates limited media access and refused to answer hard-hitting questions like "What about your gaffes?", the political press has come to realize that the president won't even answer questions such as "What about your golfs?"

The White House did not allow pool reporters to cover Barack  Obama's weekend outing with Tiger Woods, prompting White House Correspondents Association's Ed Henry to issue a statement saying, "a broad cross section of our members from print, radio, online and TV have today expressed extreme frustration to me about having absolutely no access to the President of the United States this entire weekend."

The only people having a more sub-par day than the media were Fox Nation commenters:

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Herman Cain Will Make a Great Sarah Palin

In a definitive sign that Herman Cain's presidential bid was 100% successful, Fox News has hired the former candidate and Godfather's Pizza CEO as a paid contributor, just weeks after dropping Sarah Palin. Nearly every Fox show could benefit from Cain's political and business insight:

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Tweet Untweet: Fox News Has a Heart

I think it's just great that Fox News provides jobs to otherwise unemployable Americans, like Sarah Palin & Herman Cain. #charity

— Nicole Chardenet (@nchardenet) February 15, 2013