Iowa Caucuses Are the First Big Event of Primary Season, Unless Ron Paul Wins in Which Case They're Just Some Dumb Straw Poll

There's some new polling out this week that shows Newt Gingrich's numbers slipping in Iowa just a few short weeks before the big huge important Iowa caucuses. These caucuses are so important, not just because they officially kick off the Republican primaries in earnest, because nabbing a big win in Iowa is a crucial step in any candidate's campaign to win his or her party's nomination.

Unless, of course, Ron Paul happens to win, in which case they don't count at all…

[Fox Business News host Neil] Cavuto asked [Fox News host Chris] Wallace what he thought the takeaway would be from a Ron Paul victory.

"Well, and the Ron Paul people aren't going to like me saying this, but, to a certain degree, it will discredit the Iowa caucuses because, rightly or wrongly, I think most of the Republican establishment thinks he is not going to end up as the nominee. So, therefore, Iowa won’t count and it will go on."

The logic here is simple, in the way that a circle is a simple geometrical figure: Ron Paul will not be the Republican nominee, and any poll, primary or caucus that says otherwise is wrong and stupid and untrustworthy because Ron Paul will not be the Republican nominee. We know that he will not be the Republican nominee because just look at all the wrong, stupid and untrustworthy polls, primaries and caucuses that say he will.

Logic 101, right there.

Photo by Scott Olson/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Tags: Chris Wallace, Fox, Iowa, Iowa Caucus, Newt Gingrich, Primaries, Republicans, Ron Paul

Liveblogging the Fox News Debate in Iowa, Thurs. 12/15 @ 9/8c

With the Iowa caucuses less than a month away, this debate has a lot riding on it. Newt Gingrich needs to perform well if he wants to help keep his poll numbers strong. Mitt Romney needs to refrain from lighting a cigar with a hundred-dollar bill before talking about how he grew up poor. Rick Perry needs to do the opposite of everything he's ever done on the campaign trail so far.

High stakes indeed. Join us here and @TheInDecider Thursday, 12/15 @ 9/8c for real-time coverage of the debate in Sioux City, Iowa.

And please, don't think about how much more fun Herman Cain would make this. He's gone. We're just going to have to carry on somehow.

Photo by Judy Unger/FoodPix/Getty Images

Tags: Debates, Fox, Iowa, Liveblog, Michele Bachmann, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, Primaries, Republicans, Rick Perry, Rick Santorum, Ron Paul

From the Pork Barrel: NSFW

* That's Santorum, all right.

* Finally, some proof that homosexuality can be cured!

* Gladstone takes down the Muppets' anti-American conspiracy.

* Man, I sure hope the Ku Klux Klan doesn't sue Mitt Romney for plagiarism. Things are already tough enough for his campaign as it is.

Tags: Animals, Communism, Fox, Gladstone, Ku Klux Klan, LGBT, Mitt Romney, Pork Barrel, Primaries, Republicans, Rick Santorum

Bill O'Reilly: Jon Stewart Going to Hell, Has Valid Points

From The CC Insider…

I don't know about you, but when I see Bill O'Reilly, I can't help but think of Christmas. And maybe it's just because his face reminds me of ham, but the fact remains, when Christmas needs a bloviating crusader, he is there to rouse the rabble on behalf of the downtrodden nearly-forgotten holiday.

So, after Jon Stewart hilariously declared war on Christmas this week, it came as little surprise when O'Reilly responded on his Fox News show last night…

You can see the original Daily Show segment in its entirety below.

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11/10c.

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Tags: Bill O'Reilly, Christianity, Christmas, Founding Fathers, Fox, Gretchen Carlson, Jon Stewart, Laura Ingraham, Lincoln Chafee, Music, Religion, Rhode Island, Steve Doocy, The Daily Show, Video, War on Christmas

From the Pork Barrel: John McCain's Sophie's Choice

* John McCain is being forced to choose between a guy he dislikes and a guy he likes dissing.

* Mitt Romney, as it turns out, is unpopular with Fox News viewers, which is to say unpopular with everybody who is voting in the Republican primaries.

* Newt Gingrich reluctantly accepts credit — heaped upon himself by himself — for all of Romney's good fortunes.

* Gingrich promises to wrangle the elusive wild mustache if elected president.

* Rush Limbaugh explodes the myth that Barack Obama has a fondness for the country he was elected to lead. Some people will believe anything, huh?

Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Tags: Barack Obama, Fox, John Bolton, John McCain, Mitt Romney, Money, Newt Gingrich, Pork Barrel, Primaries, Republicans, Rush Limbaugh