Last night in Texas, Rick Santorum gave a rousing speech where he fondly reminisced about the '80s — the 1780s — in France. Remember those good ol' days? The Catholic church was still in charge of everything and the tax burden rested heavily on the lower classes like a lead blanket.
Then along came the revolutionaries, who brainwashed the peasants and middle class into believing they could hope for something better than a monarchy. You know the story: Democratic ideals ushered in the modern age, yadda yadda yadda, gay marriage, the pill, and now President Obama is going to chop people's heads off…
"They are taking faith and crushing it. Why? Why? When you marginalize faith in America, when you remove the pillar of God-given rights, then what's left is the French Revolution. What's left is the government that gives you right, what's left are no unalienable rights, what's left is a government that will tell you who you are, what you'll do and when you’ll do it. What's left in France became the guillotine.
"Ladies and gentlemen, we’re a long way from that, but if we do and follow the path of President Obama and his overt hostility to faith in America, then we are headed down that road."
How dare a secular government try to trump the rights that God gave us! After all, God took seven days out of his busy schedule 3,000 years ago to make us out of mud and this is how we repay Him? Democracy?! A hard rain is going to fall, my friends.
In the meantime, I'm going to keep reading my Texas Board of Education approved history book to see what else I missed in public school.
Photo by T.J. Kirkpatrick/Getty Images News/Getty Images
Tags: Barack Obama, Catholic Church, Christianity, Creationism, France, Religion, Rick Santorum
In a sane world, this would be spoof of what an attack video looks like, but we live in a country where "Freedom Fries" were a real thing for a couple of weeks. So, the following is an actual campaign ad released by Newt Gingrich…
In case you're hoarding functioning brain cells and don't want to watch the clip lest your precious neural pathways commit suicide, the 68-second web video, titled "The French Connection," features: Michael Dukakis riding around in a tank, John Kerry sailing and a narrator who explains that Romney will "say anything to win… and just like John Kerry, he speaks French."
"Bonjour. Je m'appelle Mitt Romney," says the former chief executive of the Olympics, whose official languages are French and English.
Obviously, it was only a matter of time before the Olympics themselves were going to be used to cudgel Romney as an effete internationalist. This fay moderate subsumes American interests to the dictates of the International Olympic Committee and then just watches as Norwegians and Germans take medals away from hardworking Americans?
It could be coup de grace for the Romney campaign if it wasn't for one problem — Newt Gingrich's own dark, Francophone past…
Gingrich's 1971 dissertation – "Belgian Education Policy in the Congo 1945-1960" — contains a multitude of sources in French in his bibliography.
In total, Gingrich relied upon 143 French-language sources to write his dissertation — including 18 "public documents," 90 books, 33 published articles and 2 unpublished documents.
Quelle horreur! If the South Carolina primary electorate has to choose between these two cheese-eating surrender monkeys, maybe Rick Perry still has a shot. That guy barely speaks English, let alone French.
Tags: Advertising, France, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, Olympics, Primaries, Republicans