Our Endorsements: The Onion's Guide to Mitt Romney

* The Onion's guide to Mitt Romney uncovers his many layers.

* Martin Short tells Letterman about his political faux pas.

* Obama is Snoopy and Romney is Charlie Brown. It works.

* Debate performances of elections past, to warm up your cringe muscle.

* Allen West is not normal, from Hahajk.

* College Humor defines Mitt Romney Style.

* Stephen Colbert talks to George Stephanopoulos about his new book and giant sodas.

* And here he is 15 years ago on Good Morning America. Hasn't aged a bit!

* We hope Romney uses some of his improv training during the debate.

* McSweeney's goes over the formats for Presidential and Vice-Presidential debates.

Tags: Allen West, David Axelrod, David Letterman, Debates, George Stephanopoulos, Good Morning America, Martin Short, Mitt Romney, Stephen Colbert, Tweet Untweet, Twitter, vice president

GOP Vows to Continue Its War Against Women's Unseemly Lady Parts

You've probably heard — from, like, an disaffected uncle or ukulele-playing crazy aunt — this conspiracy theory which would have us believe that Barack Obama put George Stephanopoulos up to asking the Republican candidates about their views on women's birth control options as a means of forcing Republicans into an embarrassing position.

I'll just say this: If Obama did do that, then he deserves another three terms as president solely on the grounds of him being the most evilly-brilliant genius in the history of world! Because his plan worked out better than any supervillain could have possibly dreamed…

Top Republicans are working overtime to mask palpable concern within their party over a Thursday Senate vote to roll back an Obama administration rule requiring most employers to provide workers with contraceptive coverage in their health benefits.

Yet despite a growing sense that the GOP has veered into politically dangerous territory, a full-scale retreat would embarrass the party, and alienate a powerful segment of its conservative base. And that’s left Republicans little choice but to press ahead, illustrating the dangers they'll face if election year politicking turns further from the economy toward culture war fights that voters thought were settled decades ago.

Luckily for Republicans, the Senate seems to have put them out of their misery. Unfortunately for Republicans, John Boehner is promising to drag them back into their misery…

Read More »

Tags: Barack Obama, Contraception, George Stephanopoulos, House of Representatives, John Boehner, Men and Women, Primaries, Republicans, Senate, Sex, Women's Rights

Hey Media, Stop Pestering Candidates with Reasonable Questions

The media is always attacking GOP candidates with unfair "gotcha" questions, like "Name a Supreme Court justice," "Tell us the last book you read" or "count to three."

But according to Fox News' Andrea Tantaros, there's a vile new trick question this election season. Apparently, reporters want to know where the candidates stand on outlawing birth control…

"This question about contraception, this is the new media 'gotcha' question, right? They're bombarding Rick Santorum with this question, and I would encourge the GOP candidates not to take the bait on this.

"The Supreme  Court already ruled on this in Griswold vs. Connecticut. They said that states can't do this, and that's what the candidates should say. But, really, George Stephanopoulos asking about contraception when we still have high unemployment? It's absolutely ridiculous."

The question of whether states can ban contraception is absurd! Contraception's working just fine, and the matter was already settled by the Supreme Court in 1965's Griswold v. Connecticut. Sure, Griswold established the infamous "right of privacy" that formed the basis of conservative bête-noire Roe v. Wade, and questioning the validity of Griswold serves as a dog-whistle to the pro-life Republican base. But it's just such a ridiculous question!

And no one's even trying to outlaw birth control these days anyway, except for Colorado, Mississippi and the half-dozen other states trying to push through embryonic "personhood" laws. The candidates shouldn't be forced to answer silly little questions that could actually impact the health of millions of women.

Let's just return to asking politicians about their favorite basketball football team.

Tags: Abortion, Catholic Church, Christianity, Fox News, George Stephanopoulos, Judiciary, Men and Women, Religion, Republicans, Rick Santorum, Roe v. Wade, Sex, Supreme Court

Michele Bachmann on "Founding Father" John Quincy Adams

Oh, Michele Bachmann! You're so close to actually for real maybe winning the GOP nomination! Which would be a dream come true for a huge chunk of America's Republican base (and an even huger chunk of its Democratic base). Don't go screwing it up now by… well, talking.

Look, didn't you learn your lesson by talking yesterday? That clearly didn't work out well. Why are you gonna go and talk all over again. This is not your forte!

I understand the motivation to attempt to blink George Stephanopoulos for asking you these questions. But surely there must be other options.

Tags: ABC, Founding Fathers, George Stephanopoulos, John Quincy Adams, Michele Bachmann, PolitiFact, Primaries, Republicans, Slavery

Michele Bachmann Is So Over Birthers

Remember how you were really into The Shins, and then Zach Braff made that movie where Nattie Portman was all, "This music will change your life" and then you were like, "Ew?" And then you went down to the Salvation Army in your perfectly frayed corduroy pants and deliberately scuffed Chucks and totally donated the CD?

This is exactly how Michele Bachmann feels about birthers…

Representative Michele Bachmann said in a television interview that she believes the conspiracy theories and questions surrounding the validity of President Obama’s birth certificate have been settled and declared that it was time to move onto real problems facing the country.

"I take the president at his word," Ms. Bachmann, a Minnesota Republican who is close to jumping into the party's presidential nominating fight, said Wednesday.

Seriously, you guys. Michele is SO OVER this ish. She's got way more hip, current stuff to focus on, like her faux-psychologist husband's gay-curing business, and the porno mags who want to photograph her adult children.

Tags: Barack Obama, Birthers, George Stephanopoulos, Hawaii, Michele Bachmann, Primaries, Republicans