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George W. Bush
  • Quote Unquote: Thanks Where Thanks Are Due

    Barack Obama to George W. Bush at the unveiling ceremony for his official portrait at


    "George, I will always remember the gathering you hosted for all of the living former presidents before I took office. Your fine words of encouragement. Plus you also left me a really good TV sports package. I use it."


    Finally, George Bush gets his legacy. And it's in HD!

    Tags: Barack Obama, George W. Bush, Quote Unquote, Sports, Television, White House
  • George W. Bush to Release Book on Economic Strategery

    In what is likely an act of contrition for eight years of debt-financed warfare and giveaways to the wealthy, George W. Bush has emerged from hiding to endorse Mitt Romney, thereby doing what little he can to help Barack Obama win the hearts of undecided voters. And that's not all! This summer, there's a new YA sure-to-be classic coming to a bookstore near you

    Gingerly, the 43rd president is beginning to add his voice back into the national dialogue. A month ago, he spoke publicly in favor of one of his defining domestic legacies, the tax cuts that still divide the country. Two months from now, he plans to publish a book outlining strategies for economic growth. And on Tuesday, he made a rare return to Washington to promote freedom overseas.

    True, Bush presided over the greatest economic collapse since the Great Depression, but there's good reason to believe this work will be the most important economic study since John Maynard Keynes' General Theory of Employment, Interest and Money. For one thing, they say laughter is the best medicine, so after years of struggling with payment incentives, digitized medical records and death panels, perhaps we'll finally bend the "cost curve" of our nation's healthcare system.

    Plus, every mention of "Bush" and "book," sans the word "coloring," represents a full employment program for comedians.

    The only unfortunate implication of this news is that in today's difficult publishing environment, other equally worthy titles will be left off the shelves. One can only hope that the future will bring us Making the Cut: The 30-Day Diet and Fitness Plan for the Slimmest, Sexiest You by Rush Limbaugh, How to Treat a Woman: The Professional Man's Guide to Achieving Meaningful Relationships with Women by Dominique Strauss-Kahn and Ethics for Dummies by Bernie Madoff.

    Photo by Brendan Hoffman/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Tags: Economy, George W. Bush
  • Quote Unquote: Chomsky on Obama vs. Bush

    Noam Chomsky compare our two most recent Commanders-in-Chief


    "If the Bush administration didn't like somebody, they'd kidnap them and send them to torture chambers. If the Obama administration decides they don't like somebody, they murder them."


    On the down side, we're slowly turning into an unrecognizable dystopian mirror of everything we have long claimed to despise. On the plus side, though, we're getting more streamlined.

    Tags: Barack Obama, George W. Bush, Noam Chomsky, Quote Unquote, Torture
  • Everyone's Favorite President George W. Bush Endorses Mitt Romney

    If you thought George W. Bush wasn't capable of making decisions without Dick Cheney's help, you'd be wrong.  George W. Bush endorsed Mitt Romney all on his own

    "I’m for Mitt Romney," Bush told ABC News this morning as the doors of an elevator closed on him, after he gave a speech on human rights a block from his old home — the White House.

    Bush endorsed Mitt Romney while elevator doors closed on him? True story, I once got broken up in the exact same way. I think she was more excited about breaking up with me than George Bush was about endorsing Mitt Romney.

    In George Bush's defense, he's a busy man. He can't stand around endorsing presidential candidates properly. He's got a full day of sitting in a rocking chair at home being a sad, old man ahead of him.

    One thing's for sure though, George Bush's endorsement is really going to help Mitt Romney lock up the 'enjoyed-having-a-terrible-president' demographic.

    Photo by Rob Carr/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Tags: George W. Bush, Mitt Romney
  • Indecision Delegates: Advice from a Former Presidential Dude

    Hey Fellow Citizens! Jared Logan here. It's my job as delegate to dig up fascinating tidbits about the upcoming election. I was really excited to discover what some believe to be an authentic recently-leaked letter to Mitt Romney from George W. Bush. Check it out!


    Hey man, what's up? Looks like your having some problems closing the deal with conservatives so my dad told me to write you and give you some advice.

    First, man, I think your cool. You are friends with dudes that own sports teams. I owned a sports team. We are like two pigs in a pod. Gangsters 4 life. You like hip-hop?

    Your problem is people don't like you. Maybe it is because you're a Mormon and you believe in having ten wives and worshipping weird cat gods in pyramids and stuff. First advisement: Worship the real Jesus which is specificly the Jesus of the United Methodist Church. Mention J.C. a lot because there are tons of people who just hear "Jesus" and then stop listening and vote for you. It's like a hypnotism suggestion or some shit.

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    Tags: George W. Bush, Indecision Delegates, Jared Logan, Mitt Romney