World Cup Fever: Rappity Rap Rapping "The Soccer (a.k.a. Football) Shuffle"

And, thus, tomorrow begins the World Cup quarterfinals, otherwise known as South America vs. The World…

Brazil v. Netherlands
Uruguay v. Ghana
Argentina v. Germany
Paraguay v. Spain

These games begin tomorrow, and by the end of the day Saturday, the World Cup will effectively be The South-Western Hemisphere Cup, and then the entire Eastern Hemisphere can rejoin us in having better things to think about.

Or, maybe I spoke too soon. It appears as though there actually are some people here in the North-Western Hemisphere who are still paying attention to this. Last night, The Daily Show — in the absence of any real news — dedicated its entire episode to this Cup of the World thing. Here's Jon Hodgman explains how FIFA can make Non-American Football more appealing to Non-Non-Americans…

The CC Insider has the complete episode in its complete completesity right over GOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAALLLLLLL!!!!!!

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

Tags: Argentina, Brazil, Germany, Ghana, John Hodgman, Jon Stewart, Netherlands, Paraguay, Soccer, Spain, Sports, The Daily Show, Uruguay

World Cup Fever: The Race to Go Home and Take a Nice Cool Shower

As everybody knows, this past weekend, the U.S. soccer team managed to successfully beat Ghana for the privilege of going home and watching TV and maybe having a few beers in a nice air conditioned room. (Hope you continue enjoying the African heat, Ghana!)

But oddly enough, not everybody gets so excited about being excused early from this impossibly loud and remarkably slow sporting event. Some people in some countries actually get mad about being sent home. Go figure…

Nigeria's president Goodluck Jonathan has suspended the national soccer team from international competition for two years after their dismal performance at the World Cup.

Nigeria came bottom of their group at the tournament in South Africa, losing to Argentina and Greece before drawing with South Korea.

On the plus side, though, that's two years that Nigerians are excused from having to watch soccer. So, it's not all bad.

Tags: Africa, Ghana, Nigeria, Soccer, Sports

World Cup Fever: The Excitement Is Highly Communicable!

So, I'm sure by now, everyone's heard the big news about the U.S. team beating the Carthaginians One-to-Love in yesterday's match. Finally! It's nice to see the Americans dominate another country once in a while. And this should also knock that egomaniac Hannibal down a peg or two. (Doubt he'll be invading Washington D.C. mounted atop an armored pachyderm elephant anytime soon.)

So, what you're probably asking is: What are the big games that I should be paying attention to in the next few days, goddamnit?!?! Relax, dude. Relax. I got them right here…

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Tags: Algeria, Brazil, Germany, Ghana, New England, Portugal, Soccer, Sports