Barack Obama Achieves Historic 100th Round of Golf

I'm disappointed that this bit of historic news got such short shrift among all the flashier Father's Day news items…

President Obama is spending Father's Day in his hometown playing the 100th round of golf of his presidency…

Mark Knoller, CBS News's longtime keeper of presidential data, says it's Obama's 100th round since taking office. And the president picked a nice course — he's playing at the historic Beverly Country Club the southwest corner of the city.

It's good to know that Barack Obama's presidential legacy is secure. Finally, he can relax a little.

Photo by Matthew Healey-Pool/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Tags: Barack Obama, Golf, Sports

Barack Obama Gives Up Full Day of Golf in Preparation of The Great Hurricane Irene of Aught-Eleven

Oh… my… God!

You know, I wasn't really paying much heed to the warnings about this hurricane that's coming to supposedly wash New York City into the sea and leave the entire East Coast under thirteen feet of water.

But I don't know, man. Shit just got real!

President Obama will cut short his Martha's Vineyard vacation Friday night in order to get back to Washington before Hurricane Irene marches up the East Coast.

Obama had been scheduled to leave the island retreat Saturday after a nine-day vacation. But after delivering a statement Friday morning in which he warned residents to "be prepared for the worst," he took preparations into his own hands.

White House principal deputy press secretary Josh Earnest announced the schedule change early Friday afternoon. He said the president was making sure he stays ahead of the storm, both for personal reasons and to get back to work on hurricane preparations.

Obama is walking away from the golf course a day early?! Jesus Christ! This storm must be a cataclysm wrapped in an Armageddon inside an Apocalypse!!! Is it 2012 yet, because this is gonna be The Big One! (I'm comin', Elizabeth! I'm comin' to join you!*)

First the earthquake which must surely have caused untold hundreds of dollars in Hummel damage. And now this vacation-destroying hurricane? Please, Pat Robertson, tell what we did to so displease your tribal war deity. Tell us, please!

Everybody, please be careful this weekend. And remember: If you see a hurricane, say a hurricane. Or something.

.

^{* You probably don't get this reference. I'm aware of this.}

Tags: Barack Obama, Golf, Martha's Vineyard, Massachusetts, Natural Disasters, Sports, Weather

Gripping Footage of President Obama Caught in Great Earthquake of Aught-Eleven

Years from now, when your grandchildren ask you where you were for The Great Earthquake of Aught-Eleven, what will you say? Me? I'll say, "On my couch in Chicago, maybe kinda sorta feeling something possibly but probably not."

As for the President? The 5.9 magnitude earthquake — that originated in Virgina and shook the East Coast causing damage to the Pentagon and the National Cathedral in Washington D.C. — found him on a Martha's Vineyard gold course where, luckily, a team of reporters were standing-by to catch the heart-racing excitement…

Okay, granted. The full drama of the moment probably wasn't apparent in that clip. But it's a lot scarier and more suspenseful if you do what I did and replay it again but while shaking your laptop. Whoa! Did you see that one tree? It looked like it might have been getting ready to fall down and crush the President. Yikes!

And what was up with that phone call the president made afterward? That was probably some serious national security earthquake related business, don't you think? I'm almost certain of it.

Tags: Barack Obama, Golf, Martha's Vineyard, Natural Disasters, Sports, Vacation, Virginia

Stephen Colbert on Donald Trump on All Kinds of Stuff

Some people say Donald Trump isn't really running for president. I say those people just don't know how to dream…

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30/10:30c.

Tags: Debates, Donald Trump, Gary Johnson, Golf, Herman Cain, LGBT, Liveblog, Marriage Equality, Primaries, Republicans, Rick Santorum, Ron Paul, Sports, Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report, Tim Pawlenty, Video

Tiger Woods, Bill Clinton, Blah Blah Blah

I refuse to write about this story involving Tiger Woods in a sex clinic out of protest for the fact that it has already written itself and is putting decent American political humorists out of a job…

"I'm a strong believer that anybody can look within themselves, find their flaws and fix them," President Obama said.

Bill Clinton, whose experience might be particularly instructive, made a personal call to offer encouragement.

Can't these people leave anything for the rest of us?

Tags: Bill Clinton, Golf, Sex, Sports, Tiger Woods