Our Endorsements: The Onion's Guide to Mitt Romney

* The Onion's guide to Mitt Romney uncovers his many layers.

* Martin Short tells Letterman about his political faux pas.

* Obama is Snoopy and Romney is Charlie Brown. It works.

* Debate performances of elections past, to warm up your cringe muscle.

* Allen West is not normal, from Hahajk.

* College Humor defines Mitt Romney Style.

* Stephen Colbert talks to George Stephanopoulos about his new book and giant sodas.

* And here he is 15 years ago on Good Morning America. Hasn't aged a bit!

* We hope Romney uses some of his improv training during the debate.

* McSweeney's goes over the formats for Presidential and Vice-Presidential debates.

Tags: Allen West, David Axelrod, David Letterman, Debates, George Stephanopoulos, Good Morning America, Martin Short, Mitt Romney, Stephen Colbert, Tweet Untweet, Twitter, vice president

Barack Obama Admits to Being Unaware of Sarah Palin's Expertise in Matters of Nuclear Proliferation and Physics

Oh my God! How embarrassing for President Obama! And on Good Morning America of all places! Jeeze!

Check out how he totally outs himself as an uninformed ignoramus starting at the 1:12 minute mark…

Here's that quote again, in case you missed it…

"The last I checked, Sarah Palin's not much of an expert on nuclear issues… [I]f the secretary of defense and the chairman of the joint chiefs of staff are comfortable with it, I'm probably going to take my advice from them and not from Sarah Palin."

Hahahahahaha! Oh man! What a maroon! He obviously has no idea of Palin's impeccable credentials on nuclear proliferation or the definitive paper on the Tolman–Oppenheimer–Volkoff limit that she wrote for the International Journal of Modern Physics. What an Looks like Obama's trying to make a play for Joe Biden's Gold Medal in the Gaffe-lympics!

If he keeps this kind of nonsense up, the 2012 presidential debates should turn out to be pretty hilarious.

Tags: Barack Obama, George Stephanopoulos, Good Morning America, Nuclear, Russia, Sarah Palin, WMDs

Rod Blagojevich Practically Defies Satire

I have been staring at my computer monitor with my mouth agape for about an hour now, and I think it's time to admit the obvious: Rod Blagojevich has beat me.

I lose. I admit it, I lose!

But, really, what chance did I have? How am I supposed to respond to this much crazy all at once? Seriously, what's my angle supposed to be?

Is the angle that Blagojevich is spending his day in New York City on Good Morning America and The View instead of in Springfield, Illinois trying to get himself not fired?

Or should it be that he supposedly considered Oprah Winfrey as a replacement for Barack Obama in the U.S. Senate but ultimately decided that she would be too gimmicky?

Is it that he keeps pleading his case to a bunch of media talking heads but refuses to actually respond to any questions about his case?

Or is it that… that… that… I don't know! Just just so much here! My brain is in satire overload.

I feel so impotent.

Tags: Corruption, Good Morning America, Illinois, Oprah Winfrey, Rod Blagojevich, Senate, The View

Good Morning America Pals Around with William Ayers

This morning, domestic terrorist and anti-American Chicago community organizer William Ayers entered the Good Morning America sound stage — presumably armed with concealed guns and homemade pipe bombs — and exploded rumors that he and Barack Obama are blood brothers in the fight to destroy America…

After months of silence, the 1960's radical William Ayers sat down for his first television interview on Friday and condemned what he called a "dishonest narrative" used by Republicans to "demonize" him.

"I don't buy the idea that guilt by association should have any part of our politics," Mr. Ayers said, appearing on ABC's "Good Morning America." "This idea that we need to know more, like there's some dark, hidden secret, some secret link. It's a myth thrown up by people who want to exploit the politics of fear."

Yeah, sure. This would be a lot easier to believe if it weren't coming from the mouth of a man who pals around with Barack Obama, a man who pals around with domestic terrorists like William Ayers, a man with a violent past…

"What you call the violent past, that was a time when thousands of people were being murdered every month by our own government. We were on the right side."

Luckily, ABC was somehow able to put an end to interview before Ayers had time to domestically terrorize the studio.

There were no casualties.

(video here)

Tags: ABC, Barack Obama, Good Morning America, Terrorism, William Ayers