Quote Unquote: Shedding Pounds of Greatness

Fox News' Greg Gutfeld laments the woeful end of American exceptionalism…

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"It's almost as though America is the fat kid who shed pounds of greatness. And we've become Belgium of the West."

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I'm sure a large portions of the country would be fine with this so long as it came with more waffles.

Tags: Belgium, Fox News, Greg Gutfeld, Quote Unquote

Quote Unquote: Kill the Poor

Fox News host Greg Gutfeld on liberals' secret anti-poor people strategy…

"If you’re talking about free birth control, who’s going to use free birth control? The people who can’t afford it. So the left has figured out a way to eradicate the poor, and it’s by eradicating the poor!"

He's on to us! Quick, everybody act less eugenicsy!

Should have known someone at Fox would figure us out. They love poor people. They've been working tirelessly for years to make as many poor people as possible.

Tags: Fox, Greg Gutfeld, Poverty, Quote Unquote, Sex

Three Out of Four People Now in Favor of Asking, Telling

Democratic control of Congress ends in… um, what time is it? So, things are not looking good for the promised repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell.

Maybe that's for the best. After all, it is incredibly unpopular…

A new CBS News poll shows that 75% of Americans believe gay men and lesbians should be allowed to serve in the military.

Only 19% are opposed to having gay or lesbian service members. That's about the same percent of the country that believes President Obama is Muslim.

Wait. I'm confused. Does this mean that gay soldiers are trying to build a disco at Ground Zero?

No, that's Fox News' Greg Gutfeld.

Tags: Barack Obama, DADT, Fox, Greg Gutfeld, Islam, LGBT, Military, Polls, Religion

Sean Hannity, In His Natural Environment

I'm assuming this is a still from one of those BBC/Discovery Channel documentaries narrated by David Attenborough Oprah Winfrey, in which they send a camera crew out into the wilderness for six weeks to take never-before-seen footage of animals behaving the way they do in nature…

I'll bet the camera guy was staking out the ladies hygiene aisle, hoping for a glimpse of a lesser douche, like Greg Gutfeld or David Shuster. A great shot like this of Sean Hannity — the alpha douche — nestled comfortably amongst his herd, must have been a find too exciting for words.

Tags: David Shuster, Fox, Greg Gutfeld, MSNBC, Sean Hannity

Gladstone Hates on TanningGate

Frequent Indecision contributor Gladstone recently found a new home for his popular web series Hate by Numbers on Asylum. I'd like to say that I'm excited for him, but — seeing as he's a good friend of mine — he'd almost certainly see right through my facade of good will and recognize the cauldron of barely-contained vitriolic resentment I harbor for all of my friends' achievements, the black and bubbling poison that infects my very soul and deprives me of the pleasant sleep of the innocent.

So, how about I just say that you should watch his take on the recent news that President Obama is a racist because he's taxing tanning booths. It's very funny…

Gladstone's website is here, you can Digg up this video here.

Tags: Barack Obama, Doc Thompson, Fox, Gladstone, Greg Gutfeld, Hate by Numbers, Health Care, Racism