The polar bears are thriving, everyone is jealous of Sarah Palin, and the kids today are snorting nutmeg up their nose at an alarming rate. Everything you think you know is wrong!
Tags: Anderson Cooper, Canada, Christianity, Conservatives, DADT, Drugs, Energy & Oil, Environment, George W. Bush, Gulf Coast, Hillary Clinton, LGBT, Men and Women, Military, Music, Religion, Sarah Palin
All the fun and hilarity of listening to NPR plus all the fun and hilarity of something actually fun and hilarious…
Former GOP chairman Ken Mehlman came out of the closet: this is old news to anyone who was smart enough to play the award-winning film MILK backwards through their VCR.
Glenn Beck's 'restoring honor' rally served as the perfect reminder that amidst confusing diversity and unsettling social complexities, at least we can all agree on one thing: God roolz.
More Tworld News after the jump…
Tags: 8/28 Rally, Arizona, Bristol Palin, Cocaine, Drugs, Energy & Oil, France, Glenn Beck, Gulf Coast, Haggard's Law, Iran, Iraq, John McCain, Ken Mehlman, LGBT, Paris Hilton, Primaries, Republicans, Senate, The Emmys, Tworld News, United Nations
Haha, oh fun! A guy who worked on the Deepwater Horizon told a government panel that the mothereffing emergency alarm was not fully turned up because the oil rig workers didn't want to be WOKEN UP…
The worker, Mike Williams, chief electronics technician aboard the Transocean rig, said the general safety alarm was habitually set to "inhibited" to avoid waking up the crew with late-night sirens.
"They did not want people woke up at 3 a.m. from false alarms," Mr. Williams told the federal panel of investigators in this New Orleans suburb. Consequently, the alarm did not sound during the emergency, leaving workers to relay information through the loudspeaker system.
The government panel replied, "Are you FUCKING KIDDING US?! What the fucking FUCK kind of selfish douchey bullshit IS that?" Okay, they did not say that out loud, but they thought it, probably.
On Friday, Mr. Williams added several new details about the equipment on the vessel, testifying that another Transocean official turned a critical system for removing dangerous gas from the drilling shack to "bypass mode." When he questioned that decision, Mr. Williams said, he was reprimanded.
"No, the damn thing's been in bypass for five years," he recalled being told by Mark Hay, the subsea supervisor. "Why’d you even mess with it?"
He recalled that Mr. Hay added: "The entire fleet runs them in 'bypass.' "
At this point, the six-member panel spontaneously exploded into flames of rage. (Probably.)
Ed Note: Sara Benincasa will be participating in a panel discussion on "Satire and Progressive Politics" — alongside Daily Show creator Lizz Winstead — at the Netroots Nation liberal hippyfest conference/drum circle in Las Vegas tomorrow afternoon. If you're planning on attending the conference, this should be a really good event.
Tags: BP, Energy & Oil, Gulf Coast
Oddly enough, Tony Hayward's recent apology to everybody on planet Earth for the several-month-long stream of toxic sludge his company was responsible for spooging into our oceans wasn't incredibly popular the world over.
But would people's opinions be changed if they could see the outtakes?
Puts the whole thing in a different light, doesn't it?
Tags: Atom, BP, Energy & Oil, Gulf Coast, Tony Hayward
It's no secret that Stephen Colbert has had a somewhat antagonistic relationship with The Environment over the years. That's what makes it so sweet that he would decide to put aside his grievances to fix the problem in the Gulf of Mexico, as evidenced by this video collage of Gulfriendly activity.
Of course, now The Environment is going to have to let us drill inside of a baby seal. Fair is fair…
The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.
Tags: BP, Energy & Oil, Environment, Gulf Coast, Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report