Stephen Colbert on 2012 Hopeful John Thune's Presidenciminess

by Dina Hashem

European gambling websites Intrade and Betfair have placed their bets on Republican nominees for the 2012 election. And I say Blasphemy! How dare they cheapen our government in such a way? Gambling should be reserved for games of chance, where outcomes are decided arbitrarily and lack thoughtful deliberation and rationality. That’s nothing like American politics!

But that aside, they’ve placed a surprise bet on South Dakota Sen. John Thune. Sure, you’ve never heard of him, and he’s only polling at 2 percent, behind nominees Mitt Romney and Sarah Palin. But he has the most important quality among them: "Looking presidential." And you have to admit, those other guys just don't look so much like presidents as they do like douchebags…

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.

Tags: Barack Obama, Gambling, Haley Barbour, John Thune, Mitt Romney, Republicans, Sarah Palin, Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report, Video

The Daily Show's Best 2012 GOP Contender Moments

Obviously, we'd all prefer some kind of reality in which we could throw all of these fine politicians into a giant blender — with some orange juice and some ice and maybe a dash of sugar — and mix them all up into one super smooth U.S. President. But the technology to do that probably won't be within our grasp by 2012, so we're all just going to have to think really hard and try to choose just one…

Mike Huckabee

Continued Huckabee interview and more contenders after the jump.

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

See also: The Colbert Report's Best 2012 GOP Contender Moments

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Tags: Bobby Jindal, David Petraeus, Haley Barbour, Jon Stewart, Mike Huckabee, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, Republicans, Rick Perry, Rick Santorum, Ron Paul, Rudy Giuliani, Sarah Palin, Scott Brown, The Daily Show, Tim Pawlenty, Video

Mississippi Gov. Haley Barbour Sure Does Like Denying a Lot of Obvious Truths

Mississippi Gov. Haley "No Oil to See Here, Move Along" Barbour's mouth may say No, but his increasingly bloated secret war chest says Yes…

As Haley Barbour continues brushing aside speculation about his presidential prospects, the Mississippi governor is discreetly building a complex political operation rivaling those of any other 2012 GOP presidential prospects.

His apparatus, which has socked away hundreds of thousands of dollars this year alone, will get a major boost — as will the Barbour 2012 buzz — when the governor takes some time away from the Gulf oil spill threatening his home region’s shorelines to attend a big fundraiser Thursday for one of his three political action committees.

I don't know if if it's just me, but keeping up with the news has been a grim ordeal these past few months. (Do other people get depressed over things like encroaching institutionalized racism and unfathomably horrifying environmental disasters?) The only thing that really keeps me going is the thought that about seven minutes and forty seconds after the midterm elections in November, we'll get to witness the opening shots of the 2012 GOP/Tea Party primaries.

Oh, how my heart leaps at the very thought. It will surely be the greatest/scariest/greatest-again experience of our sorry lives.

Tags: Haley Barbour, Mississippi, Money, Primaries, Republicans

Daily Show: Tony Hayward Postpones His Dolphin Hunt

As Jon Stewart pointed out on last night's Daily Show, while oil continued to poison the Gulf of Mexico at a catastrophic rate, BP CEO Tony Hayward was participating in a yacht race over the weekend. There is a bright side to this story though, as engineers now believe they may be able to plug the gushing well with Hayward's giant balls.

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

Tags: BP, Energy & Oil, England, Gulf Coast, Haley Barbour, Joe Barton, John Oliver, Jon Stewart, Michele Bachmann, Mitch McConnell, The Daily Show, Tony Hayward, Video

The Daily Show: Barack Obama Embarks on AssQuest 2010

Yesterday, the shocking news of Barack Obama using the word "ass" on television to prove how serious he is about fixing a hole in the ocean hit us like a ton of bricks (made of washed-up tar). Today, we begin following the President on his quest to find a suitable ass to kick. But will that ass wind up being closer to him than he ever could have suspected?

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

Tags: Apple, Barack Obama, BP, Cocaine, Drugs, Energy & Oil, Guantanamo Bay, Gulf Coast, Haley Barbour, Jon Stewart, Mississippi, Science & Technology, Sex, Steve Jobs, The Daily Show