To all my Jewish friends out there, please allow me to wish you a very Merry Chanukkah, which — to the best of my understanding — celebrates the day that G-d brought candles into existence!
Tags: Hanukkah, Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report, The Daily Show
In honor of Hanukkah and the Jewish people, Indecision 2008 news editor Dennis DiClaudio put together a special feature called The 8 Most Important Jews in Politics of 5768-69.*
Of course, Dennis — despite being hairy, bespectacled, and consumed with religious guilt — is not actually what my people refer to as a “Jew.” And frankly, while I’m all for tolerance and diversity, the thought of his greasy Italian fingers punching up a piece on my political brethren makes me want to puke up my macaroons.
So seeing as I’ve been Bar Mitzvah’d, circumcised, and found attractive by Catholic girls with Jew fetishes, I offered to spruce up his list. I must say, even though Dennis didn’t manage to select the actual Jews in our nation’s Zionist occupied shadow government, I think his efforts were just adorable. So sit back and enjoy the next eight days of Hanukkah with each day celebrating a different political Jew of note.
In 2008, President Elect Barack Obama chose Illinois Congressman Rahm Emanuel to be his Chief of Staff, cementing Emanuel’s status as the kind of Jew my people want to be: one that Black people like to hang out with.
But how important is that approbation to Rahm? Well, many feel he gave the up the chance to one day be Speaker of the House in order to run Obama’s White House. That kind of dedication is just inspiring.
And this is no mere accidental pairing of a Black and a Jew like Jon Stewart and Chris Rock on my personal comedy heroes’ height/weight chart. No. By all accounts, Obama selected Rahm for his tenacity, judgment, and ability to get things done. Together they promise to affect real change in 2009 and realize the nightmares of bigots everywhere.
* On the Gregorian calendar, on which most of the Western world bases its dates, 2008 stretches across the years 5768 to 5769 on the Jewish calendar, which began on the sixth day of the Earth and universe's creation.
Go to the second night.
Tags: Hanukkah, Jewish, Rahm Emanuel