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Homeland Security
  • U.S. Struggling to Deal with Crippling Embarrassment Over WikiLeaks Scandal

    Unlike most Americans, after this long holiday weekend — the massive dump that employees of the U.S. State Department are struggling to deal with is unrelated to leftover turkey & stuffing enchiladas. It concerns several hundred thousand of embarrassing diplomatic cables released by WikiLeaks, and their stench is just as foul

    The disclosure of the cables is sending shudders through the diplomatic establishment, and could strain relations with some countries, influencing international affairs in ways that are impossible to predict.

    Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton and American ambassadors around the world have been contacting foreign officials in recent days to alert them to the expected disclosures. A statement from the White House on Sunday said: "We condemn in the strongest terms the unauthorized disclosure of classified documents and sensitive national security information."

    Something obviously needs to be done about this. The United States simply cannot have the world seeing all of its catty IM transcripts in which it laughs with the United Kingdom over the size of Pakistan's ass. But what can we do? Rep. Pete has an idea

    Rep. Pete King (R-N.Y.), the incoming chairman of the House Homeland Security Committee, called for U.S. officials to get aggressive against WikiLeaks after the website published highly sensitive, classified diplomatic cables that reveal frank assessments of foreign leaders and the war on terror.

    "I am calling on the attorney general and supporting his efforts to fully prosecute WikiLeaks and its founder for violating the Espionage Act. And I'm also calling on Secretary of State Hillary Clinton to declare WikiLeaks a foreign terrorist organization," King said on WNIS radio on Sunday evening.

    Brilliant idea. It would be unthinkable for a small collection of dedicated foreign ideologues led by one charismatic man to elude all U.S. efforts to thwart their plans and bring them to justice after they've been labeled terrorists. Can you even imagine?


    Tags: Hillary Clinton, Homeland Security, House of Representatives, Internet, Julian Assange, Obama Administration, Spying, Terrorism, WikiLeaks
  • Barack Obama's Record on Deporting Illegal Immigrants Is Worst Since George W. Bush's

    Do you know what really pisses me off about Obama? How he refuses to do anything about all those illegal immigrants waltzing across the border and stealin' our good dishwasher and vacuum-cleanin' jobs…

    The US government has deported a record number of undocumented immigrants [approximately 392,000] this year, officials said… More than half of the total figure — around 195,000 — were convicted of criminal offences, the officials said.

    Deportation of convicted criminals have risen by over 70 percent from levels during the Bush administration, [Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano] said.

    "This administration has focused on enforcing our immigration laws in a smart, effective manner that prioritizes public safety and national security and holds employers accountable who knowingly and repeatedly break the law," she said.

    Like I said, refuses to do anything about those illegal immigrants. Also, when's he gonna show us his birth certificate, huh? And Socialism, or something! Angry voice!

    (via Reddit)


    Tags: Barack Obama, George W. Bush, Homeland Security, Immigration, Janet Napolitano
  • The Onion: Smart, Qualified People Behind the Scenes Keeping America Safe: 'We Don't Exist'

    From The Onion

    "I know most Americans like to believe there are selfless, ultra-intelligent operatives like me out there watching over everything from an underground control room," said the Rhodes Scholar Navy SEAL national security official who for the past 10 years we have all mistakenly presumed to be an actual human being. "Unfortunately, though, I'm not employed by the U.S. government, I'm not working at all hours to foil terrorist plots, nor am I part of some secret network of sharp, capable agents, because no such network exists."

    "And again, neither do I," the imaginary man added.

    According to the utterly nonexistent super-geniuses who we've been telling ourselves are keeping our nation safe with their superior technology and lightning-fast decision-making abilities, there are currently no living people who resemble them at the Pentagon, CIA, FBI, DHS, TSA, or any other federal, state, or local law enforcement agency, and there never really have been at any point in American history.

    I feel so much more un-less make-believe pretend safe for not unknowing this.


    Tags: CIA, FBI, Homeland Security, Military, Pentagon, Terrorism, The Onion
  • ACLU Prefers Terrorism to Second Base

    Once again, the American Civil Liberties Union wants to ruin our government's Jesus-given right to do something awesome. This time, the socialist hippies who run the ACLU's Massachusetts clubhouse are all pissed off about totally legal sexytime patdowns at the airport

    The Boston Herald reports that Transportation Security Administration screeners at Logan International Airport are testing what one official called an 'enhanced patdown.' It lets screeners use a palms-forward, slide-down search procedure on passengers' bodies.

    Sounds hottt, right? Not to the freedom-haters at the ACLU!

    The ACLU questions whether the new technique is effective enough to justify what it calls a "seemingly constant erosion of privacy."

    It is really sad that the ACLU prefers terrorism and tragedy to brief, efficient, seductive, luscious, steamy, romantic touchy-feely sessions with a strong yet gentle TSA employee. Also, hel-LO, this is necessary for us to avoid another 9/11 and thus another Terrorist Victory Mosque!

    Why does the ACLU hate going to second base for American Safety?


    Tags: ACLU, Homeland Security, Massachusetts, Terrorism
  • Faisal Shahzad's Arrest Will Have Implications for Airline's No-Fly List

    Ugh! Every time, a would-be terrorist does something terroristy, the rules for air travel get shifted around. What do we got this time?

    In the wake of Faisal Shahzad's arrest aboard an airplane at JFK airport on Monday night, the Obama administration has changed the procedures for the no-fly list.

    From now on, international terrorists will not be allowed to fly. Previously, they were simply forced to board last.


    Tags: Faisal Shahzad, Homeland Security, Terrorism, Travel