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Hosni Mubarak
  • Berlusconi to Face Very Sexy Trial

    Italy's #1 boyfriend, Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi, has fallen victim yet again to the evil haterati! These Italian officials, who seem to have forgotten that they live in the naughtiest country on Earth, insist on forcing our dashing hero to stand trial on some silly trumped-up charge

    An Italian judge has ordered Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi to stand trial in April on a charge that he paid an underage girl for sex, though there seemed no immediate risk the scandal would force him from office… Berlusconi has denied doing anything illegal in the case and says he has been targeted by politically motivated judges backed by the left who are determined to bring him down.

    And surely he has a perfectly sensible reason for having called the cops to intervene on then-17-year-old Karima "Ruby" el Mahroug's behalf when she later got popped for shoplifting…

    He says he has never paid for sex and says that when he telephoned the Milan police station it was because he believed el Mahroug to be the granddaughter of Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak and he wanted to avoid a diplomatic incident.

    Thank God Silvio Berlusconi — who is obviously telling the complete truth — called the Milan police station to intervene! Otherwise, Hosni Mubarak would really be fucked. Instead, he's doing just fine and… Oh, wait.

    Maybe Silvio and Hosni ought to book a one-way ticket to the same distant resort island, where they can peacefully have crazy sex parties/wield complete and brutal authority over everything.


    Note from Dennis: Check out Sara discussing Valentine's Day, Joe Biden, Justin Bieber and the birthers on Russian Television.

    Tags: Hosni Mubarak, Italy, Prostitution, Sex, Silvio Berlusconi
  • Hosni Mubarak May Be in a Coma in Germany, Also He May Be in Germany

    Not sure if there reports are true or not, but if ousted Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak really has fallen into a coma, I think it might just be out of spite

    According to unconfirmed reports, including from the Egyptian daily Al-Masry Al-Youm, ousted Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak, who resigned last week after almost three weeks of violent protests in his country, is in a coma.

    Other (pro-government) sources say that the 82-year-old former president is in a "severe psychological condition" but not in a coma, while yet another report places him "on death's door in a hospital in Baden, Germany."

    Oh, now I get it! No wonder he was holding on to power in Egypt for so long. His body must have been subsisting completely on a steady stream of human rights violations.

    Somebody kidnap and torture a teenage dissident, STAT!

    (via Brooklyn Mutt)

    Tags: Egypt, Germany, Health, Hosni Mubarak
  • Bill O'Reilly's Interview with Barack Obama, Continued (But Not Really)

    More footage of Fox News' Uncle Bill interviewing the President was released over the weekend, and in this segment he's actually slightly more respectful than in the previous ones…

    Also from Saturday Night Live: Hosni Mubarak Thanks America for 30 Years of Support and Money for Tear Gas

    Tags: Barack Obama, Bill O'Reilly, Egypt, Fox, Hosni Mubarak, Saturday Night Live
  • Barack Obama Emeges as True Hero of Egypt

    A lot of pundits are punditing about what led Pharaoh Mubarak to take flight from his royal pyramid and hand the reins of power over to the Egyptian military.

    Well, they need pundit no longer, because Barack Obama has discovered who was really responsible for the regime change. Turns out it was Barack Obama

    Thus President Obama didn't know what Mubarak was going to say until he said it. And once the US saw that the reaction in the streets of Cairo was one of disappointment and anger, they pushed for more.

    "Not to satisfy us," one official tells ABC News, "to satisfy them," the official said, pointing to mass protests in Tahrir Square.

    You see? The Obama administration put pressure on Mubarak out of concern for "them," the people who were being killed in the streets with weapons bought with the billions of dollars given the U.S. gives to Egypt for its military. They're almost as magnanimous as Glenn Beck is prognostic.

    Not sure I'm buying it completely. I have to believe that eventually we'll discover a much more likely explanation for Mubarak's sudden departure

    There! Obviously, this makes a lot more sense.

    Tags: Barack Obama, Chris Lee, Egypt, Fox, Glenn Beck, Hosni Mubarak, House of Representatives, White House
  • Hosni Mubarak QUITS Not Un-Quitting Stepping Down as Egyptian President

    Yesterday, Hosni Mubarak spoke to the people of Egypt and — despite widespread belief that he would be stepping down as president — announced that he was staying right where he was, promising to "shoulder [his] responsibility, protecting the constitution and safeguarding the interests of Egyptians."

    Today, however, he shifted his stance oh so very slightly

    Egypt's embattled President Hosni Mubarak abruptly stepped down as president, ending his 30-year-rein, and Egyptian armed forces will take over the leadership of the country, vice president Omar Suleiman announced today…

    "My fellow citizens. In this difficult time that the country is going through, the president Mohamed Hosni Mubarak has decided to relieve himself of his position as president and the Supreme military council has taken control of the state's affairs. May God protect us," Suleiman announced on national TV.

    Mubarak left the presidential palace in Cairo earlier today as protesters kept the pressure on the government to force Mubarak out of office. Sources tell ABC News that the 82-year-old president has gone to an estate he owns in Sharm el-Sheikh, a resort town on the Red Sea about 250 miles from the protests in Cairo.

    So, what do you think happened? Why did he change his mind? I mean, besides the thousands of angry protesters outside his palace screaming for his head.

    We'll probably never find out.

    Tags: Egypt, Hosni Mubarak, Protesters