Democratic Party Chairman Howard Dean said Monday that either Hillary Rodham Clinton or Barack Obama must drop out of the Democratic presidential race after the June primaries in order to unify the party by the convention and win the election in November…
"Either of these candidates, if it's time for them to go, they'll know it and they will go," Dean said. "They don't need any pushing from me. You know when to get in and you know when to get out. That's just part of the deal."
That's a pretty good one for a non-professional comedian, but it lacks believability. Sure, a well-crafted joke often touches upon the absurd, but if it's too far removed from reality, there's nothing for the audience to latch onto.
All in all, not a bad attempt for a person from Vermont.
Tags: Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Howard Dean
With Bruce Springsteen coming out in support of Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton maintaining her stable of middle-aged divas, it seemed like John McCain was going to have to make like his Republican forbearers and piss off John Mellencamp in order to rustle up a campaign song. That is, until Senator Orrin Hatch came to town.
The Salt Lake Tribune reports that the distinguished senator — who, amazingly, is a platinum and gold-certified songwriter for this Lindsay-fied Christian pop ballad he co-wrote for Jaci Velasquez — has written what he hopes will be McCain's official campaign song.
A few lyrical excerpts:
America is the country we all love
We believe our destiny
Comes from god above
Let's link our hands for all to see
Our country's majesty
Alright. Vintage Hatch so far…
They're gonna hit you hard with ev'ry thing they've got
They'll be calling you
Everything you're not!
Strange as this may sound, I can confirm it. In fact, I was reporting from DNC headquarters when Howard Dean's staff began compiling the 88 quadrillion-item list of everything John McCain is not. Look for Barack Obama's first general election ad to slander McCain as "an existentialist," "[The Bob Newhart Show's] Marcia Wallace" and "a hippogriff."
As Indecision's recently self-appointed temporary music critic, I should probably come up with a few ways to describe the song as everything it's not. "Not trite" comes to mind. Also, "not weird." But, hey, who am I to knock it around when the review so far has been 100% positive:
Hatch says the song should get good reviews.
"It has been very enjoyable to write this song, and I think most people will like it."
This makes perfect sense coming from Hatch. As a sitting senator, most of the people he knows suck.
Tags: Barack Obama, Howard Dean, John McCain, Orrin Hatch
BREAKING: Jimmy Carter, Newt Gingrich, Howard Dean and Harry Reid to Appear on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
Well it is an election year, so what do you expect? Former distinguished U.S. President and current alleged terrorist sympathizer Jimmy Carter, will be making his second appearance on The Daily Show this coming Monday, April 28.
He will be followed on Tuesday, April 29 by former speaker of the house, leader of the 1994 Republican revolution, and extremely coy non-presidential candidate Newt Gingrich. This will mark his third appearance.
The current chairman of the Democratic National Committee and former presidential candidate and failed yodeler Howard Dean will be making his fourth appearance on the show on Thursday, May 1. Dean, of course, has the most unenviable job in the Democratic party right now as he will be responsible for any schism that may occur when they finally get around to picking a nominee.
Finally, Democratic Senate Majority leader Harry Reid will be making his first appearance on The Daily Show. He has yet to endorse either Senator Clinton or Senator Obama for the nomination, so perhaps we can look forward to that on Monday, May 5th when he sits down with Jon Stewart?
Tags: Harry Reid, Howard Dean, Jimmy Carter, Jon Stewart, Newt Gingrich, The Daily Show
DNC Chairman Howard Dean is telling superdelegates that time is up. Pencils down. Pass your vote for the Democratic nominee to the front of the class…
"We cannot give up two or three months of active campaigning and healing time," the Democratic National Committee Chairman told CNN's Wolf Blitzer. "We've got to know who our nominee is."
After facing criticism for a mostly hands-off leadership style during much of the primary season, Dean has been steadily raising the rhetorical pressure on superdelegates. He said Thursday that roughly 65 percent of them have made their preference plain, but that more than 300 have yet to make up their minds.
I think it's unfair of Dean to ask this of his superdelegates. I mean, there's still a few more primaries on the horizon. There's always the chance — however slim and mathematically impossible — that the voters will make their decision for them.
Every superdelegate in every state deserves the right to not have to do the job they were elected to do.
Tags: Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Howard Dean, Indiana, North Carolina, Pennsylvania
Bad news for the superdelegates. They might have to do something…
A potential game-changer from CBS News and "The Early Show." Democratic National Committee Chairman Howard Dean says he wants superdelegates to make a decision by JULY 1 — the most specific he has been in his effort to prod the party to decide between Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton before the Democratic National Convention in late August.
An aide explains that July 1 is not a drop-dead deadline: "The point is before the convention, ideally in June"…
In an interview with AP's Nedra Pickler, Dean also made it clear he wants to get the show on the road. "There'll be some nasty fights if it goes to convention, and people will walk out," he told Nedra. "But I've also been talking to a fairly significant number of, by and large, nonaligned people about how we might resolve this."
I'm sorry, but this just seems like an unreasonable request from Howard Dean. The superdelgates have to choose by July 1st? That's only twelve weeks to choose between the two Democratic candidates. And they've only had twelve weeks up till now to decide. That's only 24 weeks all told.
How is a politician supposed to come to any kind of a decision about anything in 24 weeks? Let alone a choice between two options?
They might have to exercise thoughtful and reasoned judgment. And that's not what we elected them to do!
Tags: Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Howard Dean