The Onion: China Agrees to Erase Portion of U.S. Debt If Americans Dress Up in Costumes and Perform Silly Dance for Them
As far as resolving America's debt crisis goes, this is not the most unreasonable suggestion I've ever heard. From The Onion:
In what it's describing as a magnanimous gesture toward an economy in decline, the Chinese government announced Monday it would forgive a portion of the staggering U.S. debt if Americans agreed to dress up in costumes and perform silly dances for their amusement.
With his nation holding $1.16 trillion in federal bonds and the U.S. showing no signs of ending its dependence on foreign credit, President Hu Jintao told reporters that allowing Americans to ease their fiscal burden in proportion to the number and quality of colorful dance numbers they perform is a mutually beneficial arrangement for both countries.
"Our great nation has generously agreed to decrease the considerable financial obligations of the United States," said Hu, standing before an enormous rack containing elaborate dance attire such as sequined vests and metallic lamé pants. "All we ask in return is that Americans put on outfits such as these and amuse us with buffoonish little kicks and twirls, preferably while slapping their big fat tummies. The U.S. will receive much needed debt relief, and China will enjoy watching the graceless flailing of decadent capitalists."
Read the rest while you polish your tap shoes.
Photo by Feng Lee/Getty Images News/Getty Images
Tags: China, Debt, Economy, Hu Jintao, The Onion
As you know, Hu Jintao is in the US this week, and the way Rush Limbaugh has been bitching and moaning about it, you'd think the Chinese President had gone peepee in his Coke. In fact, Rush got so upset about the lack of translation during a recent speech, it drove him to plagiarize Stephen Colbert's beloved and overtly racist character Ching Chong Ding Dong.
The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30/10:30c.
Tags: China, Hu Jintao, Racism, Rush Limbaugh, Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report, Video
Even Dear Leaders need to go on summer vacation, and Kim Jong-Il of North Korea is no exception. He just got back from a happy fun excursion to Camp China Trail, and he got a badge for winning a race at the swimming hole! Plus, he and Chinese President Hu Jintao won the sack race! Then Kim drank all the bug juice and got stung by a bee and had to go to the infirmary and also he toasted marshmallows over the fire and taught everyone how to make lanyards and he KISSED a GIRL during the All-Camp Dance aaaaaand also he did this…
The reports said that Mr. Kim and Mr. Hu [Jintao] had met in Changchun, the capital of northeastern China’s Jilin Province, and that Mr. Kim had visited two other northern Chinese cities, Jilin City and Harbin.
According to Xinhua, Mr. Kim and Mr. Hu "exchanged views on the situation of the Korean Peninsula and other international and regional issues of concern."
And most importantly, they totally TP'd the counselors' cabin! It was a wacky week of hijinks and adventure that shall surely never be forgotten by either party, under penalty of death.
(Photo via Reddit)
Tags: China, Hu Jintao, Kim Jong Il, North Korea