Super Cutting-Edge Midterm Election Blog Technology: The Emphasizanator 2000

If we've learned anything in our combined five-or-so years of journalistic experience, it's that what information you deliver is less important than how you deliver it. That's why, for this year's midterms, we've invested in top-of-the-line blog technology in order to make election night on the Indecision blog unlike any experience you've ever had before in your hum-drum life.

Do you ever read a sentence, unsure of which words are normal, and which are really super crazy important? We do. And we write the words! But with the Emphasizanator 2000 — a brand-new technology specifically developed for the Indecision blog — we can now take an ordinary sentence:

The Democrats squandered any chance of winning at all when they ran away from their considerable accomplishments.

…and make the important words slanty, instead of straight:

The Democrats squandered any chance of winning at all when they ran away from their considerable accomplishments.

Can you get that at the Huffington Post? Of course not.

Check back throughout the day as we roll out the rest of the awesome new technology that will make your experience with us one to tell your grandkids about — or, at the very least, your step-nephews.

Tags: Election Day, Huffington Post, Midterms, Science & Technology

The Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear Gets Taiwan Animationizized

Look. I shouldn't be saying this because I get my paychecks signed by the same Roderick T. Comedycentral III as Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert, but if you can't make it out to the big rally this weekend, don't sweat it. This Taiwanese animation of pretty much sums up exactly what it's going to be like. You can watch this and essentially just say you were there…

Tags: Arianna Huffington, Barack Obama, Glenn Beck, Huffington Post, Jon Stewart, Larry King, Rally to Restore Sanity, Stephen Colbert, Taiwan

Download Your Free Arianna Huffington Halloween Mask!

As we're sure you already know — being the cut-out Halloween mask aficionado that you are — the Huffington Post was super-nice enough to provide everyone with free, downloadable, last minute Halloween costumes of Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck, Rod Blagojevich and Kanye West, the most important people in American culture.

And that got us thinking: Maybe we should also give back to society in a similar fashion. And that's just what we did.

So, here's an even last-minuter Halloween costume: Behold the Arianna Huffington Halloween mask.

And the best part is, it's totally homeopathic!

Just dilute this mask in eleven million parts water, drink it down, and you're ready to go Trick or Treating!

It's fun and good for your chakra.

Tags: Arianna Huffington, Glenn Beck, Halloween, Huffington Post, Kanye West, Rod Blagojevich, Sarah Palin

Wouldn't You Know It, Arch-Conservative Chief of Staff for Arch-Conservative Senator Says Something Crazy Alarmist About Homosexuality at Gathering of Other Arch-Conservatives

I like you lots, HuffPo, but I'm still trying to figure out why this is on your front page:

Is it notable because he attempts to bring the hammer down on porn too? Is it newsworthy because attempts to assert a causal connection between heterosexual porn and homosexuality using some freshman philosophy class bullshit? Or maybe it's notable because he admits to having sex with children.

"It's been a while since I was associated with pre-adolescent boys."

Even so, it's like Edwin Edwards said: "The only way I can lose this election is if I'm caught in bed with a dead girl or a live boy. But even then, probably no one would care except the blogs."

Tags: Huffington Post, LGBT, Marriage Equality, Tom Coburn

An Open Letter to a Female Person Concerning Something Fashion Related

Dear Mary Phillips-Hyphen-Sandy,

According to the BuzzFeed website, there is currently an article about the current First Lady's sartorial decisions that is "surging" on the popular news site The Huffington Post. Please note, there are accompanying PHOTOS…

As it is commonly understood around the Indecision offices that you are of the female genre of people, would it be improper of me to inquire the following questions from you?

* Who is Sophie Theallet, and how is it that Michelle Obama might have found herself in possession of her clothing?

* What is a "bow blouse," and is that an appropriate choice for a late summer Massachusetts funeral?

* As a good American, am I supposed to impressed by these choices and mentally comparing her to the late Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis, or simply aghast by her at the  utter gaucheness of it all?

* How does any of this constitute "news"?

Please advise, as I am sincerely confused. I thank you in advance.

Sincerely,
Dennis James Gregory DiClaudio, Jr., B.A., Esq., III

Tags: BuzzFeed, Fashion, Huffington Post, Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis, Michelle Obama