Submitted by flasunbum.
Tags: Barack Obama, Caption Challenge, Hugo Chavez, Venezuela
President Obama wants the citizens of the United States to know that this Swine Flu — which, from what I gather from watching the news channels, has already claimed 900 bazillion U.S. lives (give or take a bazillion) — is nothing to worry about, even though it is somewhat worrying…
"We are closely monitoring the emerging cases of swine flu in the United States," Mr. Obama said, speaking at the National Academy of Sciences. "This is obviously the cause for concern and requires a heightened state of alert, but it's not a cause for alarm."
Got that? Be alert, but don't be alarmed. I guess, the best way to differentiate between the two is like this:
A squirrel, eating an acorn in the grass, is alert. A squirrel, screaming and clawing his way through a crowded subway terminal in a vain attempt to escape a horrifying pestilence, is alarmed.
The remarks by Mr. Obama, which came at the beginning of a previously-scheduled speech that he delivered to scientists in Washington, marked the first time the president has personally addressed the swine flu.
Fantastic! If he's not bowing down before the Saudi King Abdullah bin Abdel Aziz or shaking hands with Venezualan President Hugo Chavez, then he's entering into friendly negotiations with a potential worldwide pandemic.
Doesn't he know that you have to play tough with these pathogenic agents? You didn't see George Bush cozying up to monkeypox back in his first term, did you?
Tags: Abdullah bin Abdel Aziz, Barack Obama, George W. Bush, Health, Hugo Chavez, Saudi Arabia, Swine Flu, Venezuela
Yesterday, it was Fox News speculating that President Obama and Hugo Chavez poked peckers back at the hotel, and now Bill Bennett is imagining Obama was giving Chavez a handy right in front of God and everyone. So, turns out conservatives are primarily against gay marriage because they like their man-on-man sex forbidden and adulterous. Preferably all wet and wind-blown in a gathering storm.
The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.
Tags: Barack Obama, Bill Bennett, Hugo Chavez, South America, Stephen Colbert, Video
After President Obama's controversial handshake with Venezuela's Hugo Chavez this week, the gang at Fox News whipped themselves into a sexually-dysfunctional froth fantasizing about whether the two world leaders were putting the "head" in "heads of state" back at the hotel.
Tempted as you may be, I cannot stress enough how unwise it is to take this as an opportunity to imagine what happens behind closed doors at Fox News. Trust me when I say that is a bottomless Cremaster-esque pit of horror you can never climb out of.
The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.
Tags: Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Hugo Chavez, Iran, Jon Stewart, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, South America, The Daily Show, Venezuela, Video, Wyatt Cenac