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HysteriaWatch 2012
  • HysteriaWatch 2012: Voting Might/Will Kill You

    It's not just that nice guy next door who kept to himself or everyday household products. Now voting can kill you too…

    Ty Houston, 48, a home care registered nurse, was toiling on his absentee ballot Monday afternoon when things got strange at township offices on 13 Mile.

    Oooooo, exciting. Like the back cover of a new Stephen King novel!

    "I was filling out the form as were an elderly couple sitting at a nearby table," said Houston on Tuesday. "His wife, who was helping him fill out the ballot, asked him a couple of questions but he didn't respond. She screamed for help and I went over to see what I could do."

    Now that's how you build suspense! What sort of horrors is this innocent (OR IS HE?) bystander about to witness?

    Houston laid the victim on the floor and went to work.

    "He was dead," Houston said. "He had no heartbeat and he wasn't breathing. I started CPR, and after a few minutes he revived and started breathing again. He knew his name and his wife's name."

    Maybe he has some new special powers since he's seen THE OTHER SIDE. Can he tell us who won the election?

    Read More »

    Tags: Barack Obama, Election Day 2012, HysteriaWatch 2012, Michigan, Mitt Romney, Voter Suppression
  • HysteriaWatch 2012: Motor City Rampage

    While heading out to cast your vote, you might want to consider wearing some sort of body armor or protective gear. That is, unless you want to risk punch in the face from a crazed Obama supporter. reports

    A woman in a Detroit polling location was aggressively campaigning for Obama. A female voter in line objected. The Obama supporter punched the woman in the face. Police came to arrest her and she smacked the cop.

    Seems like it would be unfair to assume that this one woman is representative of Obama supporters as a whole. But what the hell?

    Stay away from Obama supporters! Your very life may depend upon it!

    Previously: HysteriaWatch 2012: Instagram May Cost Obama the Election!

    Tags: Election Day 2012, HysteriaWatch 2012, Michigan
  • HysteriaWatch 2012: Instagram May Cost Obama the Election!

    Dear people with boundary issues: If you take a picture of your ballot and post it on Instagram or the internet, you could be breaking the law, in which case your vote gets thrown out and your precious President Obama will never get a second term! (Romney supporters aren't that savvy. They just use the internet to "like" Facebook pictures of Scrooge McDuck swimming in money.)

    Voters doing this in Wisconsin and Colorado could very well find this coming around to bite them in the runoff

    Laws against displaying your ballot are motivated by concerns about vote buying, since voters being bribed might need to be prove they voted a certain way.

    While laws vary from state to state, the penalties for showing your ballot can be stiff.

    "It’s illegal to display your voted ballot and violators could be convicted of a misdemeanor,” Colorado secretary of state spokesman Richard Coolidge told ProPublica. The penalty, according to Colorado law: a fine of not more than $1000, imprisonment in county jail for not more than one year — or both.

    It's hard to not document every moment of your life for everybody in the world to not care about, but if you can manage to refrain this time, in a year from now you'll still be able to post a picture of yourself taking a birth control pill. I recommend using the Kelvin filter.

    Photo by Scott Olson/Staff /Getty Imagessrc="" alt="" title="InstagramBallot-200" width="200" height="200" class="alignright size-full wp-image-76455" />

    Tags: Election Day 2012, HysteriaWatch 2012, Internet, Voter Fraud, Wisconsin
  • HysteriaWatch 2012: Fox Spots Black Guy Outside Polling Place [VIDEO]

    Every presidential Election Day follows a set routine. First, we hyperventilate about results from Dixville Notch. Then Fox News, consummate professionals that they are, make their first in a series of reports on a black man standing outside of a polling place in Philadelphia.

    What is he doing? And why is he doing it while black?

    Read More »

    Tags: Election Day 2012, Fox News, HysteriaWatch 2012, Pennsylvania, Philadelphia