Someone forgot to tell the Illinois General Assembly the real meaning of Valentine's Day: spending too much money at the behest of the faux-emotion industry, gnawing on chocolate and whittling away at single people's self-esteems.
Instead of doing any of those things, the Illinois State Senate passed a marriage equality bill with 34 in favor, 21 opposed and 2 present. How dare they do something so meaningful? It's like no one respects the commercialism of the holiday any more!
The debate was dominated by questions about protections for religious institutions, because the sanctity of old codgers whining about the fabric of society is still very much secure. In the end, however, a majority of Illinois state senators decided that if you can't trust fabric to the gays, you can't trust anyone. The bill now moves to the Illinois House, which is expected to pass the measure, right after it polishes off this box of Russell Stovers.
Photo by Justin Sullivan/Getty Images News/Getty Images
Tags: Illinois, LGBT, Marriage, Marriage Equality, Valentine's Day
On January 1, 400 new federal laws took effect. Meanwhile, state legislatures passed 29,000 bills and resolutions, many of which came into force on the first of the year. Local government added thousands of new laws.
Ignorance is no excuse, so start cramming on all the weird new regulations you have to follow as of Tuesday:
Tags: Alcohol, Animals, California, Children, Florida, Illinois, Kansas, North Carolina, Sex, State Legislature
Raised in the rural Illinois townships of Dixon and Tampico, Ronald Reagan seems to have accumulated a nearly endless supply of childhood homes by also spending ten-month stint in Chicago. He'd be just like Mitt Romney, were it not for the transience, insecure family life and general lack of privilege.
Now the least-famous of these buildings, a six-story Hyde Park flat, is about to be torn down after the Commission on Chicago Landmarks turned down an application to have it preserved.
Who is behind the demolition? None other than the University of Chicago, former academic home of Barack Obama–yes, THAT Barack Obama–and a possible site for Obama's presidential library.
To make matters worse, the pseudo-historic structure isn't even going to be replaced with something Reagan could appreciate, like a missile battery or a jelly bean factory, but with a grassy strip that will border an expanded University of Chicago Medical Center.
The University's plans have prompted strong reactions from the right and the left. In fact, this is the rare case where liberal preservationists and conservative Reagan worshipers can reach an agreement. Nothing would pay better tribute to Reagan's legacy than a vacant house in an inner-city neighborhood.
Photo by David Paul Morris/Getty Images News/Getty Images
Tags: Barack Obama, Chicago, Illinois, Ronald Reagan
And, thus, another promising congressional career is cut heartbreakingly short…
The once-promising political career of Rep. Jesse Jackson Jr. came to a crashing end Wednesday, when the Illinois Democrat announced he would resign his seat in Congress amid treatment for mental illness, stories of marital infidelity and a pair of federal investigations.
The Illinois Democrat, the son of the civil rights icon, has been mostly missing from the House since June. Jackson Jr., 47, has been under federal investigations for alleged involvement in campaign finance improprieties as well as his involvement in imprisoned former Gov. Rod Blagojevich’s attempt to sell President Barack Obama’s U.S. Senate seat…
It’s a tragic end for a once highly promising political career. At different times, Jackson considered running for Senate and toyed with running for mayor of Chicago.
It is tragic. He was off to such a great start. And he could have done so much more! He never got a chance to tweet out a picture of his genitals. He never had the opportunity to get caught wearing a diaper with a prostitute. He never even got to proposition a random traveler in an airport restroom.
America's heart weeps for the lost opportunities.
Photo by Chris Maddaloni/CQ Roll Call/Getty Images
Tags: House of Representatives, Illinois, Jesse Jackson Jr.
It seems like only yesterday that we were reporting on the start of another heartwarming War on Christmas season, doesn't it?
Oh, wait. It was yesterday. But it's not even Thanksgiving yet. Oh well, there's nothing wrong with expanding the most wonderful time of the year!
That said, Fox News has more news in the ongoing assault on our national religion's greatest holiday…
Tags: Christmas, Fox News, Illinois, War on Christmas