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Ilya Sheyman
  • Illinois Results: Mitt Romney Wins and Congress Remains Ilya-free

    Mitt Romney easily won the Illinois primary yesterday, taking  46.7 percent of the vote to Santorum's 35 percent, with Ron Paul and Newt Gingrich finishing third and fourth, respectively. Santorum put a positive spin on Romney's strong performance in places where people actually live…

    "If you look at what's going to happen tonight, we're going to win Downstate, we're going to win central Illinois, we're going to (win) western Illinois," [Rick Santorum] said. "We won the areas that conservatives and Republicans populate. We're very happy about that. We're happy about the delegates we're going to get too."

    I'm going to assume those posthumous baptisms are finally beginning to pay off and Cook county's cemeteries provided Romney's large margin of victory, though the more likely explanation is that most Illinois Republicans like condoms and porn and having a chance of beating Barack Obama in November.

    In any case, the real story last night involved the perpetuation of our long-running national nightmare of not having anyone named Ilya in the U.S. Congress

    Despite furious pressure from progressive groups, businessman Brad Schneider has defeated former organizer Ilya Sheyman for the Democratic nomination in Illinois's 10th Congressional District. Schneider will take on Republican Rep. Robert Dold in the general election.

    Let me explain, in table form, why I take this somewhat personally…

     Ilya Sheyman, Congressional Candidate  Ilya Gerner, Your Indecision Blogger
    Name Ilya! Ilya!
    Birthplace Moscow, USSR Moscow, USSR
    Age 25 26
    Religion/Cultural Mood Affiliation Jewish Jew-ish
    Youthful Political Activities Staffer to a Suburban Democratic Party Staffer to a Suburban Democratic Party
    Relationship to Former National Mobilization Director Frequent Deleter of its Emails

    And now neither of us will be in Congress. Hope you're happy, America!

    Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Tags: Illinois, Ilya Sheyman, Mitt Romney, Primaries, Republicans, Rick Santorum