It's not every week that important global happenings are reductively expressed through humorous tweets. Wait a minute. Yes it is!
The anticipation, the overspending, the disappointment — even if I didn't mix up Christmas and midterm elections I still would have voted for Santa Claus.
More after the jump…
Tags: Barack Obama, Christine O’Donnell, Democrats, Food, Harry Reid, India, Jay Leno, Jimmy McMillan, Keith Olbermann, McDonald's, Midterms, MSNBC, Republicans
Nobody parties like the G-20 parties and the G-20 parties don't stop! Yes, it's time for a big celebration of being rich and staying that way, by hook or by crook. Canada has the honor of hosting this bloated retinue of government bureaucrats.
But don't get your hopes up, Other Countries; Barack Obama is going through a serious Sailor Moon phase, and he's got priorities…
Mr. Obama will have at least six one-on-one meetings with other leaders. But except for Mr. Cameron, all of the confirmed bilateral meetings so far are with Asian leaders — Mr. Kan of Japan, Hu Jintao of China, Manmohan Singh of India, Lee Myung-bak of South Korea and Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono of Indonesia — in a reflection of Asia’s role in leading the global economic recovery.
Suck on that, round-eyes! Our Man in Ontario could give two shits if you've got an epithelial fold above your big Euro peepers. Obama's got a craving for Asian fusion, and all y'all Occidental motherfuckers best back the fuck off, ya heard?
Tags: Barack Obama, Canada, China, G-20, India, Indonesia, Japan, South Korea
South Carolina's Casual Racism and Wanton Sex Comes Through in the Clutch to Save Jon from Helen Thomas
I remember one time back a few years ago, when my life wasn't going quite as well as it is now, I was unemployed, drinking a lot, unable to muster the energy to pull myself out of a spiral of self-destruction. And one day, there was a knock on my door. It was South Carolina. It put its arm around me and told me that the Jews have a controlling interest in all the circus animals and that I could look it up online if I didn't believe it. Then, after tell me I was blind if I couldn't see the implications, two of its Baptist preachers touched each other's taints. That was all I needed. I wrote up my resume that very day and two months later, I had a job as Dean of the local university (a job which I later lost after it was revealed that I still didn't have a college degree).
Anyway, I'll never forget that. And now South Carolina's back to lend another helping hand in our country's time of need…
The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.
Tags: Andre Bauer, Barack Obama, Helen Thomas, India, Israel, Jewish, Jon Stewart, LGBT, Mark Sanford, Palestine, Primaries, Racism, Sex, South Carolina, Tea Party, The Daily Show, White House, Will Folks
Better Make Certain to Get Your End-of-Civilization-as-We-Know-It Pants Back from the Cleaners Before 2015
As most rational people understand, the world will probably not — as many people believe has been predicted by the Mayan calendar — be coming to an end in 2012.
No, the End of Days will, in all likelihood, be postponed for about three or so years when all the oil runs out…
The US military has warned that surplus oil production capacity could disappear within two years and there could be serious shortages by 2015 with a significant economic and political impact…
"By 2012, surplus oil production capacity could entirely disappear, and as early as 2015, the shortfall in output could reach nearly 10 million barrels per day," says the report, which has a foreword by a senior commander, General James N Mattis.
It adds: "While it is difficult to predict precisely what economic, political, and strategic effects such a shortfall might produce, it surely would reduce the prospects for growth in both the developing and developed worlds. Such an economic slowdown would exacerbate other unresolved tensions, push fragile and failing states further down the path toward collapse, and perhaps have serious economic impact on both China and India."
Good thing the U.S. is not economically linked to China in any way. Or completely dependent upon petroleum for everything from transportation to food production. Or in complete denial about this whole issue.
We should come out of this just fine.
I said, we should come out of this just fine.
Tags: Armageddon, China, Energy & Oil, India, Military, Money
Do you remember those fake copies of The New York Times — in which it was reported that the war in Iraq was over and Tom Friedman promised to quit publishing his opinions because his opinions are always so bad — that were floating around last year? Or when a supposed representative for Dow Chemical went onto BBC to announce their responsibility for the 1984 Bhopal disaster which killed nearly 4,000 people in Madhya Pradesh, India? Or when an apparent representative of the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development appeared before a post-Katrina a housing summit in New Orleans to announce that the department had changed its mind about tearing down undamaged low-income housing to make way for more profitable houses?
If you're familiar with any of that, then you're already familiar with The Yes Men, a couple of guys who have succeeded in elevated the common "prank" to a serious newsworthy sociopolitical activism.
The DVD of The Yes Men Fix the World, a documentary chronicling their story, comes out (appropriately enough) on April 1st…
And here's an exclusive deleted scene that has been made available to us…
Wow, that looks awful, doesn't it. April Fools! Just kidding! It looks great! I mean, two guys getting dressed and having a shave? I could probably watch a full-length documentary about dressing and shaving. All the pranks and stuff are really just filler, as I see it. How did that footage ever end up on the cutting room floor, anyway? I hope that editor was prank-fired.
Anyway, I've always been a fan of The Yes Men, but up till now I've only gotten to enjoy them in little bursts on YouTube. So, I'm psyched to now have a nice solid block of material to watch.
Tags: India, Iraq, New York Times, Thomas Friedman