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Internet
  • HysteriaWatch 2012: Instagram May Cost Obama the Election!

    Dear people with boundary issues: If you take a picture of your ballot and post it on Instagram or the internet, you could be breaking the law, in which case your vote gets thrown out and your precious President Obama will never get a second term! (Romney supporters aren't that savvy. They just use the internet to "like" Facebook pictures of Scrooge McDuck swimming in money.)

    Voters doing this in Wisconsin and Colorado could very well find this coming around to bite them in the runoff

    Laws against displaying your ballot are motivated by concerns about vote buying, since voters being bribed might need to be prove they voted a certain way.

    While laws vary from state to state, the penalties for showing your ballot can be stiff.

    "It’s illegal to display your voted ballot and violators could be convicted of a misdemeanor,” Colorado secretary of state spokesman Richard Coolidge told ProPublica. The penalty, according to Colorado law: a fine of not more than $1000, imprisonment in county jail for not more than one year — or both.

    It's hard to not document every moment of your life for everybody in the world to not care about, but if you can manage to refrain this time, in a year from now you'll still be able to post a picture of yourself taking a birth control pill. I recommend using the Kelvin filter.

    Photo by Scott Olson/Staff /Getty Imagessrc="http://www.indecisionforever.com/files/2012/11/InstagramBallot-200.jpg" alt="" title="InstagramBallot-200" width="200" height="200" class="alignright size-full wp-image-76455" />


    Tags: Election Day 2012, HysteriaWatch 2012, Internet, Voter Fraud, Wisconsin
  • The Internet's Finest Pre-Debate Commentary

    When it comes to making sense of the debate hoopla, there's only one place to turn for thoughtful analysis: the anonymous musing of Internet commentators. So sit back as our nation's finest minds cut through to the heart of the issues like a very dull knife cuts through concrete-reinforced steel.

    Read More »


    Tags: Debates, Internet
  • It's 10 p.m. Do You Know Where Your Lawmakers Are?

    Hey guys! I'd like to take a small break from making Mitt Romney jokes to let you know about a cool thing I got to do this past weekend.

    I participated in a weekend-long event called Comedy Hack Day, which was basically a big group of comedians and developers getting together to build funny new websites, apps and other things to distract from how disappointed our parents are in us.

    The project I worked on is called Lobbyists from Last Night. It's a website that reveals all the swanky, elites-only fundraising parties our politicians attend. So if you're tired of missing out on the whiskey tastings, pheasant hunts, barbecues and yacht parties that accompany fat campaign contributions, demand answers! Go to the site, enter your ZIP code, see what your lawmakers are up to and let them know how you really feel via snarky tweets (aka the most democratic mode of 21st century communication).

    Along with me, our team was Larry Buchanan, Robert Haining, Nicko Margolies, Nick Monje and Aditya Mukerje. (They knew how to write code and stuff. I ate a lot of pizza.)

    Thanks to Cultivated Wit's Baratunde Thurston, Craig Cannon and Brian Janosch for putting the weekend together!


    Tags: Internet
  • Barack Obama Bear Hug Launches Yelp Flame War

    Though the battle of the Chick-fil-A sandwich has abated, our food wars continue. Ever since Barack Obama received an unexpected boost from a pizzeria owner — whom news outlets breathlessly described as a 6'3", 260-pound behemoth because they're unaware of the difference between a bear hug and a mauling — the pizzeria has been the subject of boycotts and trolling Yelp battles.

    It's bad news for Americans who believe politics should stop at the drive-thru's edge, good news for connoisseurs of Internet commentary

    Toledo, OH: "Seriously? You didn't build it, so you should be out of business!"

    Read More »


    Tags: Barack Obama, Florida, Food, Internet
  • Mitt Romney Steals Campaign Ideas From Chain Emails

    Please, for the love of our currency-gracing God, tell your Tea Party-enthused uncle to stop forwarding those chain letters to the Romney campaign. Last I heard of God being removed from our coinage was in a Snopes-debunked email. Until a Romney campaign appearance in Virginia Beach…

    "That pledge says 'under God,' and I will not take God out of our platform," Romney said. "I will not take God off our coins, and I will not take God out of my heart."

    Mitt Romney totally gets the economic plight of the average American. Sure, he was joined on the campaign trail by Pat Robertson and engaged in a weird culture war shtick, but we finally have evidence that Romney knows money can come in coins.

    As for the economics of this, it's sad news for fans of Ron Paul: this is as close as the Romney administration is going to come to getting gold on our coins. Three out of four letters ain't bad. And the Obama campaign's response?

    "The president believes as much that God should be taken off a coin as he does that aliens will attack Florida," [Obama campaign spokeswoman Jen Psaski] said. "It's an absurd question to be raised."

    I can't wait for the next Restore our Future ad, taking the president to task for weakening our armed forces in the face of the admitted alien threat to Florida.

    Photo by Win McNamee/Getty Images/Getty Images


    Tags: Barack Obama, Internet, Mitt Romney, Money, Religion