Tim Pawlenty, We Hardly Knew Ye

Aww, T-Paw! We miss ye already. The former Minnesota governor broke America's heart this weekend when he left the race for the 2012 RNC nomination, and we at Indecision are only beginning to cope with the sense of loss and abandonment.

Here we happily look back at a few of our favorite moments from the now-defunct campaign of the man who would be president…

1. We oohed and aahed over Tim Pawlenty's extraordinary show of pre-Iowa Twitter might. On the day he promised to "defeat" Washington and tried to start a Twitter fight (Twight?) with Barack Obama, we wrote, "This is what happens when a sweet, mild-mannered former governor from Minnesota faces the fact that the batshit insane, gay-hatin', migraine-havin', word salad-spewin' representative from District 6 is more popular than he is. Pawlenty correctly ascertained that it was time to show who the manliest presidential candidate from Minnesota really is."

2.We reflected on the wisdom of a presidential candidate comparing himself to a legendary hockey game that took place in 1980. Maybe he was taking a page from the legendary Sarah Palin Big Book of Hockey References? Here is an awesome quote: "You face an opponent experts say can’t be beat. You fight, you bleed, you prevail." Ew. But also, yay!

3.GLITTER BOMB!

There are so many more great moments in T-Paw history, but we can't just devote the entire site to mourning his absence, can we? I mean, it'd be totally irrational to eliminate all our advertising and posts for the day and replace the regular site with a static image of T. Paw's head Photoshopped into the sky with a halo above it and a crying eagle nearby, right? At least that's what a certain boss-lady said when one of us tried to pitch this idea to her while we were sobbing at her desk this morning. But whatever, no big deal.

You can just dip your thirsty tongue into our well of T-Paw-related posts and, y'know, slurp up the goodness one last time.

Photo by David Greedy/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Tags: Iowa Straw Poll, Minnesota, Primaries, Republicans, Tim Pawlenty

Michele Bachmann Wins Straw-Based Poll

Okay, so you know when a doctor says, "This is gonna hurt," so clench your fist and grit your teeth and try to prepare for the coming pain? But then when he does the thing it still hurts a whole fucking lot! And then you wonder — with salty tears pooling in the corner of your eyes — what all that preparing was for anyway?

Anyway… the Ames Iowa Straw Poll turned out pretty much like we all thought she would…

Congresswoman Michele Bachmann has won the Ames Straw Poll with 29% of the vote, edging out Rep. Ron Paul by 152 votes, or 28%.

I have such mixed feelings about Michele Bachmann's presidential campaign so far. On on the one hand, I'm kind giddy that such a large chunk of Republicans voters are so excited to throw their support behind a candidate so firmly grounded in non-reality that they gave her nearly a third of all votes.

On the other hand, ugh! I might need to start pricing bomb shelters.

To be fair, though, it's not like all the other options were so much better. I suppose if I were told that I had to cut my own throat, and then given the option of a scalpel or a box cutter, I'd probably go with the scalpel, too…

1. Congresswoman Michele Bachmann (4823, 28.55%)
2. Congressman Ron Paul (4671, 27.65%)
3. Governor Tim Pawlenty (2293, 13.57%)
4. Senator Rick Santorum (1657, 9.81%)
5. Herman Cain(1456, 8.62%)
6. Governor Rick Perry (718, 3.62%) write-in
7. Governor Mitt Romney (567, 3.36%)
8. Speaker Newt Gingrich (385, 2.28%)
9. Governor Jon Huntsman (69, 0.41%)
10. Congressman Thad McCotter (35, 0.21%)

Good for Thad McCotter for getting 35 whole votes! And good for Jon Huntsman for beating somebody! That must have given his ego a little boost.

Photo by Scott Olson/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Tags: Herman Cain, Iowa, Iowa Straw Poll, Jon Huntsman, Michele Bachmann, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, Primaries, Republicans, Rick Perry, Rick Santorum, Ron Paul, Thaddeus McCotter, Tim Pawlenty

Stephen Colbert on the Colbert Super PAC (Not Affiliated with The Colbert Report) Advertising for Rick Parry

Remember, that Parry with an "A" for America. Not an "E" for ebola.

Coverage continues after the jump.

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30/10:30c.

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Tags: Colbert Super PAC, Iowa, Iowa Straw Poll, Rick Parry, Rick Perry, Sarah Palin, Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report, Video

Tim Pawlenty May Be Forced to Accept That He's Tim Pawlenty

You know those days when you spend a couple hours after lunch walking around with a big smear of mustard on your cheek and none of your co-workers bother to tell you that you loom like an idiot and you don't even realize it's there until you use the bathroom after your meeting with the head of your department?

Well, that's kinda what Tim Pawlenty is going through right now, except that instead of a smear of mustard on cheek, he's got Tim Pawlenty all over him! And, apparently, nobody's told him. And now it looks like the voters of the Ames Iowa Straw Poll are going to have to be the ones to break the bad news…

Pawlenty said that he'd "probably" have to cut back on his national campaign organization if he fails to score the kind of straw poll result he’s looking for.

"Would we have to retrench in some fashion? Probably, but I don't think that’s gonna happen," Pawlenty said. "I think we're gonna do very well."

He continued: "If we do really bad, we'll have to reassess."

Unfortunately, I don't think a wet-nap is gonna do the job for this one.

Photo by Steve Pope/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Tags: Iowa, Iowa Straw Poll, Primaries, Republicans, Tim Pawlenty

The Too Long; Didn't Watch Version of Last Night's GOP Debate

Last night's Iowa debate was a solid two-hour block of uncut conservative ideological talking points. That is, admittedly, much too strong a dose for many people. So, here's a little tl;dw bump to get you through till the next news cycle…

Tim Pawlenty: Tried really hard to show how tough he is by repeatedly beating up on a girl; ended up being held down by Bachmann and made to lick a frog.

Herman Cain: Really likes Donna Summer apparently.

Rick Santorum: Got to say about 37 words, most of which were used asking for more screen time.

Mitt Romney: Almost seemed to be superimposed into this debate; was some other place far away in a front-runner bunker debating Barack Obama.

Michele Bachmann: Still doesn't understand how the debt ceiling works, was very adamant that everybody know this; also, very thankful for opportunity to ignore question about submitting to her husband's will.

Jon Huntsman: Was in attendance, supposedly.

Ron Paul: Shocks world with surprisingly reasonable and well-informed argument in favor of a nuclear Iran.

Newt Gingrich: Realized he would not win debate with candidates; chose to debate moderators instead.

All Candidates: There is no greater threat to America today than a slight rise in tax revenues.

Your own insightful insights are welcome in the comments.

Tags: Debt, Gary Johnson, Herman Cain, Iowa, Iowa Straw Poll, Jon Huntsman, Liveblog, Michele Bachmann, Mitt Romney, Primaries, Republicans, Rick Santorum, Ron Paul, Taxes, Tim Pawlenty