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James Crowley
  • Anti-Beer Activists Plan Stupidest White House Protest Ever

    beer-frenzy
    Later today President Obama will sit down with Sgt. James Crowley and Henry Louis Gates Jr. for the most important beer in the history of mankind. But some people — members of a Baltimore Baptist church, for example, and an organization called "Pray at the Pump" — are none too happy with this turn of events, so they are demonstrating outside the White House.

    Gosh, the conversation about race in America sure gets folks agitated.

    But not as much as beer

    The demonstrators want the White House to serve lemonade instead.

    Beer sends the "wrong message to our nation's youth who are becoming alcoholics at young ages," said Rocky Twyman, founder of Pray at the Pump, in a statement this morning. "Whether or not he likes it, President Obama is a role model for all the youth in America. His actions count."

    I just hope these concerned citizens can also find the time to protest President Obama's driver's license, because if you ask me, children do not belong behind the wheel.


    Tags: Alcohol, Barack Obama, Henry Louis Gates Jr., James Crowley, White House
  • Jon Stewart's Continuing Coverage of Henry Louis-Gate

    Word has it the President, Henry Louis Gates and Sgt. James Crowley are getting together for beers this week, and I could not be more happy about it. Not only because it will put this kerfuffle behind us, but also because it raises the possibility of my self-published Obama/Gates/Crowley slash-fiction novella Breaking and Entering becoming a sweaty, drunken, multi-racial reality. Sorry about all the boners I just gave you.

    The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.


    Tags: Barack Obama, Henry Louis Gates Jr., James Crowley, Jon Stewart, The Daily Show, Video
  • Glenn Beck: Barack Obama Is Racist, Kettle Is Black

    Glenn Beck has a dream. That one day, white cops will be able to arrest black men for breaking into their own homes. And that The President of the United States — regardless of the color of his skin — will take sides with the white guy. Or else he's a racist.

    Glenn Beck has a dream today!

    On Tuesday morning, the Fox News host was on his network's morning show, "Fox and Friends," when the subject of a White House meeting between President Obama, Harvard Professor Henry Louis Gates and the police sargeant who arrested Gates came up. This is what Beck had to say about it:

    "This president, I┬áthink, has exposed himself as a guy — over and over and over again — who has a deep seated hatred for white people or white culture, I don't know what it is."

    So, wait. Lemme get this straight because I'm a little bit confused by Glenn Beck's beating around the bush. Is he trying to say that Barack Obama doesn't like white people?

    "I'm not saying he doesn't like white people."

    Oh, so, he's saying there's no problem, because that guy Obama's not a racist?

    "I'm saying he has a problem, this guy is, I believe, a racist."

    What? Oh. Wait, I mean… What?

    So, Glenn Beck is saying that President Obama is a non-racist racist who does not un-hate white people?

    I guess you can't really get any clearer than that.


    Tags: Barack Obama, Fox, Glenn Beck, Henry Louis Gates Jr., James Crowley, Racism
  • Barack Obama to Heal Nation's Ills in One Beer or Less

    Lots of people spend their entire lives trying to gain an audience with the President of the United States, and almost all of them FAIL. That's because they're all going about it the stupid way.

    Haven't they heard? "Racially profiling someone and arresting him for breaking into his own house" is the new "working really hard and becoming a person of national importance" totally to the max!

    When President Obama said last week that the whole incident involving Henry Louis Gates Jr. and Sgt. James Crowley of the Cambridge police department could be worked out over a beer at the White House, he wasn't speaking figuratively. CNN is reporting today that the White House has confirmed that the president is to meet with the two men this week…

    As for drink orders, CNN says Obama will be having a Bud and Crowley a Blue Moon. No word yet on Gates beverage of choice.

    Come on, Gates! Get crackin' on that order! You've only got several days before you're going to drink that one beer while having the most awkward completely non-relaxing conversation of your life several hundred miles away from your home.

    Speaking of which… Waitress! I'll have a Brooklyn Lager on October 14th, please. Please have it delivered to the middle of Wisconsin. I realize you're busy, so if you can just get it to me sometime before 2010, that'll be fine.


    Tags: Barack Obama, Henry Louis Gates Jr., James Crowley, Massachusetts, Racism, White House