Sexual Harassment Suit Filed Against Department of Homeland Security

Four years ago, we were warned of the dystopian future upon the horizon, a nightmare landscape in which up is down, black is white, chocolate is vanilla and cats are dogs.

Welcome, my friends, to the Bizarro World known as Obama's America, in which women are accused of sexually harassing men! Whhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa????

A blistering federal discrimination suit accuses agency honcho Janet Napolitano of turning the department into a female-run "frat house" where male staffers were banished to the bathrooms and routinely humiliated…

First of all, that one phrase — "female-run frat house" — might confuse you. Such a thing would more commonly be described as a "female-run male-operated sorority" or possibly even as a "female-run male-operated female-run frat house."

Does that clear things up at all? Good, let's continue with this strange Twilight Zone-esque story…

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Severe Risk of Terror Alert System Being Thrown in the Garbage

Oh no! The terror alert system that I don't think I even realized that we were still using is being phased out…

By the end of April, terror threats to the U.S. will no longer be described in shades of green, blue, yellow, orange and red, The Associated Press has learned.

The nation's color-coded terror warning system will be phased out beginning this week, according to government officials familiar with the plan. The officials requested anonymity to speak ahead of an announcement scheduled Thursday by Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano.

This is a travesty! No! No!!! How will I know when to be confused and vaguely concerned about menacing abstractions?

The Obama administration will take the next three months to roll out a replacement, which will be called the National Terrorism Advisory System. The new plan calls for notifying specific audiences about specific threats. In some cases, it might be a one-page threat description sent to law enforcement officials describing the threat, what law enforcement needs to do about it and what the federal government is doing, one of the officials said.

When agency officials think there is a threat the public should know about, they will issue an announcement and rely on news organizations and social media outlets to get the word out.

That's not actually a bad idea. If "news organizations and social media outlets" can "get the word out" about a bomb threat in Times Square as fast as they get the word out about secret footage of Barack Obama pledging allegiance to the Kenyan flag or a homeless lady who juggles real good, I think we can all breathe a sigh of relief.

Barack Obama's Record on Deporting Illegal Immigrants Is Worst Since George W. Bush's

Do you know what really pisses me off about Obama? How he refuses to do anything about all those illegal immigrants waltzing across the border and stealin' our good dishwasher and vacuum-cleanin' jobs…

The US government has deported a record number of undocumented immigrants [approximately 392,000] this year, officials said… More than half of the total figure — around 195,000 — were convicted of criminal offences, the officials said.

Deportation of convicted criminals have risen by over 70 percent from levels during the Bush administration, [Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano] said.

"This administration has focused on enforcing our immigration laws in a smart, effective manner that prioritizes public safety and national security and holds employers accountable who knowingly and repeatedly break the law," she said.

Like I said, refuses to do anything about those illegal immigrants. Also, when's he gonna show us his birth certificate, huh? And Socialism, or something! Angry voice!

(via Reddit)

WINNER Caption Challenge: Secretary of Homeland Security Janet Napolitano

Submitted by flasunbum.

YOU DECIDE Caption Challenge: Secretary of Homeland Security Janet Napolitano