Michele Bachmann Finally Votes as Trade Deals Reveal Lone Congressman Still Doing His Job

Yesterday, the House of Representatives took a break from its longstanding policy of not debating any jobs-related legislation and approved a series of trade pacts that had been under consideration since the Bush administration…

Congress resoundingly approved long-stalled trade agreements with South Korea, Colombia and Panama late Wednesday, authorizing the most significant expansion of trade relations in nearly two decades…

The South Korea deal has the potential to create as many as 280,000 American jobs, according to a recent assessment by the staff of the U.S. International Trade Commission, and to boost exports by more than $12 billion. Several major labor unions have warned that any gains will come at the cost of layoffs among American workers because of heightened competition from South Korean imports. The South Korea deal is widely hailed as the most consequential trade pact since the North American Free Trade Agreement was ratified in 1994.

But those controversial jobs figures, which are disputed by the AFL-CIO and various groups that are skeptical of free trade, belie the true importance of this legislation. How vital were these measures? Well, there were several dozen roll call votes in the past week. Michele Bachmann  participated in precisely zero. Which brought the number of votes the "Congresswoman" has cast since August 1st to…zero.  But on Wednesday, Christmas came early to the south side of the Capitol, and miracle of miracles, Bachmann's Bizarro Iron Horse streak of 88 consecutive missed votes came to an end with her votes in favor of the trade deals.

To be fair, showing up to vote is a huge drag. Between campaigning for re-election or seeking higher office, raising money or attending lobbyist-funded junkets, writing to irate constituents or sending creepy texts to strangers while using their niece's chat avatar, few Members of Congress have the time to actually do their jobs. And by few, I mean one…

On the other hand, Rep. Jason Altmire, D-Pa., has not missed a vote during his tenure in the House dating back to Jan. 4, 2007. Altmire’s impressive streak is now beyond 4,300 straight votes.

Of course, racing back to Washington to cast vote after vote is totally rewarded by constituents and the judgement of history. After all, every schoolchild knows the story of  William Natcher, a Kentucky Democrat who cast 18,401 consecutive roll call votes from his election to the House in 1954 to his death in 1994. He's more famous than Cal Ripken, Jr. and Lou Gehrig, right? Right?

Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Stephen Colbert Talks to a Democrat Who's Not Afraid to Not Pretend He's Not a Democrat

Lemme get this straight: Democrat Tom Perriello is running for Congress in 2010 as a Democrat? Wow, these people are more self-destructive than I thought they were…

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.

Congressperson's Abandoned Car Hints at Sad and Frightening Fate Awaiting Unpopular Legislators

Poor, poor Melissa Hart. When the former representative of Pennsylvania's 4th district lost her seat to Rep. Jason Altmire in the '06 midterms, the terms of her Faustian bargain with Mephistopheles, Chairman of Lobbyists were complete, and thus she was snatched bodily from Capitol Hill and dragged screaming and thrashing into the deepest, darkest realms of K Street before she was even able to reclaim her Volkswagen Jetta from the congressional parking garage…

There it sits, a sad and harrowing reminder of what awaits all congresspeople who trifle lightly with dark powers beyond their control, the etchings of her former colleagues on its dust-caked veneer — "F-ing wash me!," "I wish my wife was this dirty," "Drill here" — belying the unsettling pang it roils in the pit of their stomachs.

And Hart? What has become of her? She is merely a shade, a transient lobbyist spirit drifting from one congressional desk to the next, always offering money for votes at the behest of her unholy Lord of Kickbacks.