Quote Unquote: Dog Eat Dog

White House Press Secretary Jay Carney on recent discussion of President Obama's having been fed dog as a child in Indonesia…

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"I think we're talking to a reference in his book to a period when he was six or seven years old. Making a big deal out of it sounds like somebody who's trying to get out of the doghouse."

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Don't be too hard on Carney. He was just throwing them a (sad trom)bone.

Tags: Animals, Food, Jay Carney, Obama Administration, Puppies!, White House

President Obama's Magical Guilt Clock Will Save the Middle Class

Did you know, at this very moment, there’s only 25 days, 8 hours, 4 minutes and 2 seconds left until the payroll tax cut disappears, along with our nation’s rapidly dwindling middle class?

If not, you should probably check the White House press room’s fancy new doomsday clock…

The clock, reflected on a video screen behind the spokesman's podium, counts down the last days of 2011 — after which the payroll tax cut approved last year will expire.

Also running on the White House website, the clock is part of President Obama's effort to pressure congressional Republicans into backing an extension of the payroll tax cut.

"What this clock dramatizes is that there isn't a lot of time and that Congress needs to act and do the right thing," said Obama spokesman Jay Carney.

President Obama will save America, not with leadership or diplomacy, but with the Audacity of Guilt. No lawmaker can look at that clock without weeping Montana-sized tears for all the heartland-small-business-grandma-town-hall-hot-dog-factory-workers who desperately need a tax cut to avoid living on the streets.

And as soon as this congressional guilt trip pays off, Obama will install a giant billboard inside the Capitol to remind politicians to call their mother already, for God’s sake. What, are you too good to talk to your little old mother now? She gave birth to you. It's the least you can do, Mr. Big-Shot Senator.

Photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Tags: Barack Obama, House of Representatives, Jay Carney, Taxes

From the Pork Barrel: No More Sweet Tea for Michele Bachmann

* The Tea Party grows tired of playing with Michele Bachmann. Dispose of her. Bring the Tea Party fresh souls with which to play.

* Oh snap! The White House goes balls out and adds another 9 onto Herman Cain's 9-9-9 plan, which, obviously, is waaaay too many 9s and thus comical in nature. (Yep. They totally went there.)

* Do you think, in his dreams, Rep. Paul Ryan gets penetrated by Ayn Rand's invisible fist of the market?

* Nancy Pelosi is not being shut out of Super Committee talks, Nancy Pelosi says from outside of Super Committee talks.

* The GOP opposes Barack Obama's decision to lower student loan payments. Though, I'll bet you could change their minds if you told them this was only for really rich students.

Photo by Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Tags: Ayn Rand, Herman Cain, House of Representatives, Jay Carney, Michele Bachmann, Nancy Pelosi, Paul Ryan, Pork Barrel, Primaries, Republicans, Tea Party

Joe Biden "Flattered" by The Onion's Unflattering Portrayal of Him

One of the things that endears Joe Biden to so many Americans is that he seems to have a good deal in common with them. A few examples: his reliance, for most of his career, on public transportation to get to work each day; his desperate clinging reliance on "the comb-over"; and his apparent willingness to laugh at Joe Biden…

"Most people refer to me who know me, and even in the press, of being a little bit square," Biden said. "And now, I'm the philanderer. I think it's hilarious, the stuff they do on me."

Biden's staff had previously refused to comment on the The Onion coverage. "Let me get this straight: You want to interview the vice president about stories about him in The Onion?" spokesman Jay Carney asked The New York Times when they tried to get the scoop. "Well, I'll give you credit for trying," Carney said.

The Times was attempting to verify reports from The Onion staff that Biden's team had emailed the publication to tell them "keep it up."

I'm actually not surprised that he's okay with the coverage. Do you know how many young women read that paper? Not just women, but women with glasses. And, I'll tell ya, women with glasses put out. Oh yeah…

Tags: Jay Carney, Joe Biden, New York Times, The Onion

Joe Biden Hires Journalist Jay Carney to Join the Team, for Pay This Time

I'm not sure what Joe Biden will need to communicate as vice president, other than "fetch," but whatever, he's gone ahead and hired himself a director of communications.

Where do you find one of those, I wonder?

Jay Carney is leaving Time magazine after 20 years to be Vice President-elect Joe Biden's communications director in the White House, astonished magazine and gleeful transition sources said.

At the liberal media elite hangouts! Of course. And in a minute we'll get to the part where the transition sources suppress their glee and pretend like this has nothing to do with the liberal media elites having been in the tank for Obama-Biden all along…

A Democratic official close to the selection process said Carney had already decided to do something different after the election, and Biden advisers believed Carney would bring "a fresh perspective" to their deliberations. [...]

The official added: "There are those on the right who will see this as the embodiment of their assertions about the media and Obama, and this is just making it official."

Ah.

So, it is official, then?

Tags: Barack Obama, Jay Carney, Joe Biden, Time Magazine