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Jesse Jackson Jr.
  • Jesse Jackson Jr. Is Behind Door #5

    Who is Senate Candidate 5? That was one of the biggest questions that arose after yesterday's arrest of Illinois Governor and four-time Gary Cole lookalike contest winner Rod Blagojevich, and ABC New says we now have an answer.

    Chicago Rep. Jesse Jackson Jr., D-Ill., is the anonymous "Senate Candidate No. 5" whose emissaries Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich reportedly offered up to $1 million to name him to the U.S. Senate, federal law enforcement sources tell ABC News.

    According to the FBI affidavit in the case, Blagojevich "stated he might be able to cut a deal with Senate Candidate 5 that provided Rod Blagojevich" with something "tangible up front."

    I, for one, think this is an outrage. Jesse Jackson Jr. is a good and honorable man who would never do anything untoward. Why, I'd stake this big sack of cash I was just given on it.


    Tags: Corruption, Illinois, Jesse Jackson Jr., Rod Blagojevich, Senate
  • Jesse Jackson, Jr. Will Be Waiting in the Senate, In Case Anyone's Looking to Appoint Him to Anything

    Hey, Governor Rod Blagojevich (D-IL)? Sorry to bother you, sir, but I just ran into Rep. Jesse Jackson, Jr. and he just wants you to know… just in case… that if you need him for anything, ya know, like, to appoint him as Barack Obama's replacement or whatever… well, he's just going to be waiting over there, sir. Okay?

    Yeah, I mean right over there. In the Senate

    Minutes after the Senate opened at noon Monday for its lame-duck session, the only lawmaker milling around the second-floor elevator banks was… Rep. Jesse Jackson Jr. (D-Ill.).

    Though Jackson is a leading candidate to replace President-elect Barack Obama in the Senate, Illinois Democratic Gov. Rod Blagojevich has yet to make his appointment.

    So what was Jackson doing on the wrong side of the Capitol?

    "MSNBC," he said, explaining he had a TV appearance on the Senate side.

    Nevertheless, it did seem Jackson was walking more slowly, checking out the Senate hallways, imagining what it might be like for him should he be tapped to fill the seat.

    In other news, Sen. Hillary Clinton is going to take lunch over at the State Department today, in case Barack Obama is looking for her or anything.

    And Larry Craig is going to go use the bathroom right now. Just in case… ya know… you might have to as well?


    Tags: Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, House of Representatives, Illinois, Jesse Jackson Jr., Larry Craig, Rod Blagojevich, Senate
  • U.S. Senate Purged of African-Americans

    Here's a head-scratcher for you.

    Last night, voters across America widely cast aside past racial differences and voted for an African-American president. Pretty amazing and transcendent, right?

    Well, what if I told you that because of that incredible victory, the voters have ensured that the United States Senate, the greatest deliberative body in the world, will have no African-American members. Zero. Nada.

    See, Barack Obama was not just the only black person running for president. He was the only black person in the entire Senate. And he was just the third black Senator elected in the last century!

    When Obama resigns his seat (which will surely be in the coming weeks, to give his successor a leg up in seniority over other freshman senators), Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich will appoint a replacement. Previously, we told you that Rep. Jesse Jackson, Jr. is jockeying hard for the seat. But don't count on the governor to pick him.

    After all, he needs to follow the will of the voters: no black Senators.


    Tags: Barack Obama, House of Representatives, Illinois, Jesse Jackson Jr., Rod Blagojevich, Senate
  • Jesse Jackson Jr. Begins Salivating

    And you thought that Barack Obama was getting presumptuous in his race for the White House. You should see the guy looking to take over his current job as U.S. Senator from Illinois — Jesse Jackson, Jr.!

    It seems that Jackson, Jr. is assuming that Obama will win the presidency and vacate his Senate seat, and he is eagerly maneuvering to replace him.

    If Obama does vacate his seat, Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich (a Democrat) would name his successor. There are a number of Illinois Democrats who would certainly be up for consideration, including Representatives Rahm Emanuel and Jan Schakowsky. Blagojevich has not commented on the matter, and needless to say a President Obama would be pretty influential in making the decision as well.

    To his credit, Jackson, Jr. has an amazing number of details in common with Obama when he won his Senate seat in 2004, including…

    * 43 years old.
    * African-American.
    * Distant, preoccupied father.
    * Popular elected official representing Chicago's South Side.
    * Problems with being associated with a controversial preacher.

    Now all that Jackson, Jr. really needs to do to fully fill Obama's shoes is to obliterate a carpet-bagging Alan Keyes in an election, appear dozens of times on the cover of Rolling Stone, and be threatened with castration by Jesse Jackson, Sr.


    Tags: Barack Obama, Illinois, Jesse Jackson Jr., Rahm Emanuel, Rod Blagojevich, Senate