The Colbert Report: Jim Martin Was Poor Before It Was Cool

Father Jim Martin explains why our declining economy makes people turn to God, and it's not just because communion counts as a meal.

What do you make of the connection between poverty and faith?

Tags: Jim Martin, Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report

Saxby Chambliss, Conservative Values Win "First Election of 2010" Nearly Two Years Early

With only 23 months to go before the vast majority of votes of the vast majority the midterm elections will be counted, Republican Georgia Senator Saxby Chambliss has declared himself the very first victor of 2010, after beating his Democratic opponent, Jim Martin, in the 2008 runoff election for Georgia's senate seat.

Garnering 57.5% of the two million Georganians who bothered to vote, incumbent Sen. Saxby Chambliss — according to incumbent Sen. Saxby Chambliss — represents the return to conservative values that America has so craved since the crushing defeat of conservative values one month ago…

"You have delivered tonight a strong message to the world that conservative Georgia values matter [in the state of Georgia]," he said.

"You have delivered a message that a balance of government in Washington is necessary, and that's not only what [2.9 percent of] the people of Georgia want but what [0.02 percent of] the people of America want."

You can't argue with numbers like that. Today truly is a great day for the conservative movement.

But why exactly did such an overwhelming fraction of the people of America reject the failed policies of the not-yet-inaugurated Obama administration?

"If you can't have a little back-and-forth arguing between the parties, then the party in power will make mistakes," said Ron Zukowski, a computer expert in Atlanta who voted for Mr. Chambliss. "This was my chance to say no, and I said no."

Luckily, now, thanks to Mr. Zukowski's "Power of No," the American people will be spared of four years of a government that makes any mistakes.

Welcome to the Golden Age.

Tags: Election Day, Georgia, Jim Martin, Saxby Chambliss, Senate

Jon Stewart Reviews Georgia's Eternal Election

Jon weighs in on the Senate run-off race with Saxby Chambliss and Jim Martin, including Chambliss' granddaughter grope and three rappers Martin has never heard of.

"I am Jim Martin, and I'm sure I'm going to lose."

Update: I am not Jim Martin, and I am sure that he did lose.

Saxby Chambliss explains how this all-but-inevitable win for the GOP proves that America is already tired of Change and is tipping back toward social conservatotalitarianism.

Tags: Election Day, Georgia, Jim Martin, Jon Stewart, Saxby Chambliss, Senate, The Daily Show

From the Pork Barrel: Georgia Not on My Mind

* Saxby Chambliss and other guy somehow failing to capture voters' excitement.

* Fox News asks the question everyone else is afraid to ask: Can Sarah Palin still win this election for John McCain?

* Al Franken now poised to lose by even slimmer margin.

* George Bush refuses to set timetable for withdrawal from your crotch.

* White House Christmas tree weighs in, calls for Bush impeachment.

* Oh, wait. Nevermind.

Tags: Al Franken, Christmas, Election Day, Fox, George W. Bush, Georgia, Jim Martin, John McCain, Norm Coleman, Pork Barrel, Sarah Palin, Saxby Chambliss, Senate, White House

Saxby Chambliss Getting the Most Republican Attention Since Terri Schiavo

Sen. Saxby Chambliss (R-GA) is facing a run-off election on December 2, and his Republican buddies are lined up halfway to South Carolina for the chance to pimp him to weary voters.

While Democratic challenger Jim Martin is forced to make due with a team of "Obama surrogates," Chambliss has mobilized so many A-List Republicans, you'd think Terri Schiavo had moved to Georgia.

Among the GOP stars due to appear…

John McCain
What He Brings to the Table: 52% of the Georgia vote.  Tell-all stories about Joe the Plumber.
What's in It for Him: Opportunity to prove he is still alive.

Sarah Palin
What She Brings to the Table: The concession speech she believed she'd get to deliver for McCain.
What's in It for Her: If she can destroy Chambliss's campaign as well, that's one less challenger for 2012.

Mike Huckabee
What He Brings to the Table: The TV star power of Oprah Winfrey, if Oprah were a white, southern ex-governor who built an entire career on weight loss.
What's in It for Him: The chance that someone might let him play "Free Bird" again.

Mitt Romney
What He Brings to the Table: Money. Otherwise he wouldn't be invited.
What's in It for Him: More press footage of himself he can masturbate to.

Rudy Giuliani
What He Brings to the Table: The missing link between Jim Martin and the 9/11 terrorists.
What's in It for Him: Doesn't matter. We already know he's willing to give up his reputation, his career and $59 million for one measly delegate.

And if for some reason the runoff drags all the way out to 2012, Chambliss will have no problem assembling the same cast of characters.  He can just set up a TV camera in Iowa and watch this crowd come racing like flies to a turd.

Tags: Georgia, Jim Martin, John McCain, Mike Huckabee, Mitt Romney, Rudy Giuliani, Sarah Palin, Saxby Chambliss