* John Kerry urges media to stop paying attention to somebody or other. (Jugglers, maybe? I don't know. I started zoning out about a third-way through his statement.)
* Mitt Romney, Michele Bachmann and Rick Santorum sign contract to continue hating gay people through 2012.
* Following Tuesday's recall elections, Gov. Scott Walker promises to respect the decisions made by Koch Brother shadow organizations on behalf of the voters of Wisconsin.
* Eric Cantor promises something even better than extended benefits for jobless Americans. No extended benefits.
* "My rent is too damn low." – Rent Is Too Damn High Guy (Directed by M. Night Shyamalan)
Saul Loeb/AFP/Getty Images
Tags: Charles Koch, David Koch, Eric Cantor, House of Representatives, Jimmy McMillan, John Kerry, LGBT, Marriage Equality, Michele Bachmann, Mitt Romney, National Organization for Marriage, New York City, Pork Barrel, Rick Santorum, Scott Walker, Senate, State Legislature, Tea Party, Unemployment, Wisconsin
As funny as this sketch from this past weekend's Saturday Night Live is, I find it hard to believe that it comes even close to how funny an actual GOP debate will be with these candidates when that glorious day finally arrives…
Tags: Debates, Donald Trump, Jimmy McMillan, Michele Bachmann, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, Primaries, Republicans, Sarah Palin, Saturday Night Live, Tina Fey
It's not every week that important global happenings are reductively expressed through humorous tweets. Wait a minute. Yes it is!
The anticipation, the overspending, the disappointment — even if I didn't mix up Christmas and midterm elections I still would have voted for Santa Claus.
More after the jump…
Tags: Barack Obama, Christine O’Donnell, Democrats, Food, Harry Reid, India, Jay Leno, Jimmy McMillan, Keith Olbermann, McDonald's, Midterms, MSNBC, Republicans
This Tuesday, don't forget to vote 'yes' for all future political debates to be limited to 140 character phrases (and awkward, incriminating twitpics). In the meantime, we've got you covered…
Sometimes you've just gotta put your foot down. And then pick it back up. And then place someone's head under it. And then put it back down again. And repeat.
Got too high to remember to write a joke about how supporters of Prop 19 will be too high to remember to vote for Prop 19.
Tags: California, Christine O’Donnell, Drugs, George W. Bush, Harry Reid, Jimmy McMillan, John Boehner, Marijuana, Meg Whitman, Rand Paul, Tea Party, Tim Proffitt, Tworld News
Jimmy McMillan — who is an actual person actually running for governor of New York for an actual political party called The Rent Is Too Damn High Party — in response to an actual question about marriage equality during an actual televised gubernatorial debate that actually happened last night…
"If you want to marry a shoe, I'll marry you."
Shoe, other dude, whatever. It's all pretty much the same thing.
Tags: Debates, Jimmy McMillan, Marriage Equality, New York, Quote Unquote