The Colbert Report's Best 2012 GOP Contender Moments

Unfortunately, all of these phenomenal American heroes cannot be elected president in 2012, so we, as a nation, will have to choose which one will have the honor of shaming Barack Obama out of office and shipping him back to his native Kenyistan. Hopefully, this collection of clips will come in handy as we face the hardest decision of our lives…

Mitt Romney

More contenders after the jump.

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.

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Tags: Bobby Jindal, Chris Christie, David Petraeus, Joe Arpaio, Mike Huckabee, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, Republicans, Rick Perry, Rick Santorum, Ron Paul, Rudy Giuliani, Sarah Palin, Scott Brown, Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report, Video

Every Conservative Wants to Make Out With AZ Sheriff

Maricopa County, AZ Sheriff Joe Arpaio is not unlike the village tricycle: every whiny pants-shitting toddler wants a ride. Sheriff Arpaio is the fellow whose obsession with sending undocumented immigrants back over the Border has made him a right-wing dreamboat and the target of a Justice Department investigation on racial profiling.

The "man" himself recently bragged about his popularity…

"Tomorrow, I’m going up to Colorado to help out Tancredo; I helped that gal in Nevada, Angle," Sheriff Arpaio said, referring to former Representative Tom Tancredo, who is running for governor in Colorado, and Sharron Angle, the Republican Senate nominee in Nevada. "I'm a poster boy on this issue."

Yes, Sheriff Arpaio is not unlike Zac Efron, or perhaps a Jonas Brother. Except that instead of singing and dancing and dating tweenage superstarlets, Arpaio prefers to spend quiet evenings raiding Latino neighborhoods and rooting out entire families of terrified, impoverished, hard-working brown people.

If not for brave citizens like Sheriff Arpaio, our nation would suffer from an even greater availability of busboys, landscapers, nannies and migrant farmworkers. He is the sexiest hero in the Greater Phoenix area, and therefore the world.

Tags: Arizona, Colorado, Immigration, Joe Arpaio, Nevada, Republicans, Senate, Sharron Angle, Tom Tancredo