In which we take a look back at the departing federal lawmakers we'll miss most in 2013.
Name: Sen. Joe Lieberman ("I"-CT)
Leaving Congress Because: Retiring
Best Known For: Getting jowl-deep into Iraq, whether America wanted it or not.
Memorable Quote: "We are in a three-way split decision for third place." One of the great- nay, the greatest political quote of all time. Step down, Dan Quayle. Stick a pipe in it, JFK. This is the best there ever will be.
Greatest Accomplishment: He failed to win the support of seniors in Florida in the 2000 presidential election. He's Jewish. It's Florida. The mind boggles.
Why We'll Miss Him: Getting lost in those jowls for hours. It's like a being in a Snuggie, warmed by the glow of moderate waffling.
What He's Doing Next: Letting the door hit him on the way out, since nobody went to his goodbye party.
What the Future Holds for Him: Tinkering with ways to harness the energy potential of Joementum. Discovering that a potato can power a lightbulb. Hanging up his jowls and calling it a day.
Photo by Robyn Beck/AFP/Getty Images
Tags: Connecticut, Independent, Joe Lieberman, Senate
Former wrestling executive (this is an actual job) Linda McMahon, 62, is trying to fill the small, weird shoes of one Senator Joe Lieberman in 2012. And while she refused donations and spent $50 million of her own American dollars on her last campaign, she wants you to know that you may send her your own monies this time around.
Let's learn more about this brave innovator who paved the way for humans to earn an income by smashing folding chairs across other humans' skulls…
A co-founder with her husband, Vince McMahon, of World Wrestling Entertainment, she drew on her biography of having started a business that now employs hundreds of people and is publicly traded.
And she recounted past struggles with financial adversity, such as the time she and her husband filed for bankruptcy in the mid-1970s and made do without health insurance.
"I know what our families are trying to do to survive every day," she said. "I've been there, and you never forget."
Enjoy your future, Connecticut, in which all end-of-life counseling is provided by the Undertaker, and even the First Dude has a fake tan!
Photo by Pool/Getty Images News/Getty Images
Tags: Connecticut, Joe Lieberman, Linda McMahon, Republicans, Senate, Sports, Wrestling
Sen. Joe Lieberman has been out there lately promoting his new book The Gift of Rest: Rediscovering the Beauty of the Sabbath, and at least one part of it really caught the attention of the Washington Post's Sally Quinn. And, of course, she just had to bring it up in an interview because… I don't know why because. Because she's a mean person? Because the weight of existence is an absurd joke on a unwillingly conscious species? Both?
At any rate, here's a clip of Joe Lieberman talking about sex for you to thrust deep into your memory hole…
"The rabbis have been pretty clear in interpreting that 'you ought to be doing this more often, but if you’re not for some reason the other six days of the week, be with your spouse on the Sabbath.' "
This brings up so many theological questions. Not the least of which is: What kind of a omnibenevolent God would command a person to have sex with Joe Lieberman? One a week, no less?!
Oh my God! The Sabbath is coming up tomorrow night. That means he'll be doing it again. His poor wife. His poor poor wife.
Tags: Books, Jewish, Joe Lieberman, Religion, Senate, Sex
* Barack Obama achieves the impossible, gets even less popular.
* Does anybody know anybody who might be willing to run for president? Anybody? Qualifications are not, I repeat, not an issue.
* Conservatives angry Obama has bus, is not hitchhiking across country.
* Joe Lieberman comes to Rick Perry's defense because of course he does.
* Abe Sauer in The Awl: "What I Learned in Two Years at the Tea Party"
Photo by Jim Watson/AFP/Getty Images
Tags: Barack Obama, Joe Lieberman, Polls, Pork Barrel, Primaries, Religion, Republicans, Rick Perry, Senate
Remember people — in the wake of the U.S. military's successful surprise raid of Osama bin Laden's suburban home in Pakistan — this is no time relax and enjoy a well-earned moment of national success.
We must remain ever-vigilant in our quest for ever-vigilance. We must not relent one tiny bit in our fear of all things and all people. We must remain strong in our belief that we are weak and helpless…
Sen. Joe Lieberman (I-CT), who chairs the Senate's Homeland Security Committee, warned Americans on Monday to be vigilant against homegrown radicals who may improvise attacks in response to Osama Bin Laden's death…
While the threat level has not been raised as there is no specific evidence of any credible threats, Lieberman said that he was concerned Bin Laden's demise could inspire an attack along the lines of the Ft. Hood massacre, in which a radicalized individual soldier killed 13 people. He urged Americans to be especially vigilant in reporting any leads to authorities in the coming days.
"This is a classic 'If you see something, say something' moment," he said. "If you see suspicious behavior, call the police immediately — and that includes if you see suspicious behavior by someone who is a friend or family member."
You know, the last time I saw my brother, he looked a little bit shifty around the eyes.
And my fiance, she's been holding a grudge against me ever since I forgot to take out the trash that one time and the whole kitchen ended up smelling like fish. You don't suppose that'd be enough to push her over the edge and into a secret al Qaeda Midwestern cell do you?
(Photo via Getty Images)
Tags: Connecticut, Joe Lieberman, Osama bin Laden, Senate, Terrorism